Revenge Nonslash
by xxmerthurxx
Summary: Merlin has been taken and Arthur is left broke. He won't look after himself in any way. Not until Merlin is found. Will he be found? Will they manage to return to some normality if he is. Who took him? Last of the After the Crystal Cave series.
1. Ash

**A/N It's here! The last installment (sounds professional :3 ) of the After the Crystal Cave trilogy! This is by far my favorite story I've wrote and just the type I would read! :D It proves that much by the face half of it has been written already and plot bunnies are running hywire with it and has made it longer then I originally thought! :D You will be having regular updates (for once!) as I'm really enjoying it.**

**WARNINGS: warnings will be placed at the beginning of each chapter depending what it has in. The story so far includes: slight description of floggings, very slight description of rape but it isn't description of the actual rape (i know it doesn't make sense. Blame Plot Bunnies!) Depression. That's all there is, for now. It's on a T rating and I'll keep it that way but I think it might wobble on the edge of M at some point. You've been warned!  
>Disclaimer: don't own-BBC does. Slight inspiration at the start by the story: The Princely Slave by LazurasRising248 Great story so I suggest a read although it's dark. :Enjoy.**

"Arthur. You have to eat something and get some rest." Gwen said firmly but gently as the Prince paced the guest chambers that he had been occupying for the past two months.

"I can't Gwen! Not until he's been found and is safe!" Arthur said, for what seemed like the millionth time in the past couple of months. He might be exhausted but he has no appetite and can't sleep. If he does allow himself to take a few hours rest, he's plagued by nightmares, nightmares that he wakes up screaming from. Gwen just eyed him, sympathetically. They were all feeling the weight of their missing friend but none so much as the Prince. Gwen had never seen him like this, no-one has. It's got everyone worried but no matter how many times anyone's tried to get him to look after himself, if only for a moment, they have all failed. Uther's even put him in a cell for a night just to try and get him to eat and sleep but even that didn't work. He just stared out of the bars from the back of the cell, not seeing anything. Everyday he's been riding out trying to find him but comes back even more broken and desperate then before. He's been sending patrol after patrol out to find him and everyone just follows silently now, there's no more reasoning. Everyone close to the Prince has now become worried about the blonde as well as their lost friend. They have to be strong and hide their own anguish when in the company of the blonde because how else will he have got through the past two months? They dread to think what he'd do if they let it slip. He's already blamed them for not wanting their friend back, presumed that they believed he was dead and this was the first two weeks. No-one believed that. They all knew how powerful their friend can be but now it had reached two months, doubts were leaking through. What if his only strength had been cut off? There was no way he'd survive unless they want him alive.

Arthur stopped pacing under Gwen's constant gaze. He flopped down on the bed and screamed into the pillow. Gwen is one of the only people who he lets see him like this. There is only the 'Round Table' Knights, Morgana, his father, Gaius and Gwen who are allowed but even then he scolds himself for being weak in front of them even with their reassurance that he isn't.

He can see that they are all trying hard to cope and he has told them to back off of him, to go grieve but they won't listen. They all say they're worried about him but even when he says he's fine, they don't believe him. Then again, he knows he isn't fine. It feels like part of him has been ripped out, cut into many pieces and left to burn in a blazing fire. That was how it was for the first month. It was true then. Coming to the end of the second month, it now feels like the parts have turned to ash, he can't feel anything but he still see's everything from the edges of the fire. He goes through the motions of being swept up but falling from the bristles of the brush. Falling even further every time. Falling away from the many different parts of himself until they're scattered anywhere and everywhere and they can't get back together. The most important part of him, the part that holds his senses, that part is somewhere far away but is calling out, somehow, for Arthur. Once Arthur can regain that part, he can rebuild himself. He will never give up on it. That part… is Merlin.

**A/N what do you think? I am really proud of that last paragraph :D Please review and I'll maybe put up the second chapter since this is short ;) x**


	2. Panic

**A/N chapter 1 seemed to have gone fairly well for such a short chapter. Here's chapter 2. No warnings for this one. Enjoy. :)  
>Disclaimer: don't own<strong>

Uther, the knights, Morgana, Gwen and Gaius were all in a meeting together. The Prince wasn't there as he has finally allowed himself to get some sleep but even if he weren't sleeping he wouldn't be in attendance as it was him they were discussing.

"What can we do though? We've tried everything but everyday he gets worse. He's become numb father and he'll stay that way until Merlin's found!" Morgana stated.

They all agreed on that. No matter how many meetings they've held, no matter how many times they've tried their suggestions out and no matter how many times they think on their feet, they can never get through to Arthur.

"How do we know he's even alive? Don't look at me like that! We're all thinking it." Leon asked, weary of their answers. They all looked anywhere but at someone else. An awkward silence passed over the group. It was Morgana who broke it. "He's alive." Everyone's heads whipped round to face her.

"How do you know?" Gaius asked.

Morgana looked him dead in the eye. The man looked so much older then usual. Everyone did. It was one of the effects of Merlin's disappearance. Everyone was a friend of the kind young man but Gaius was his father figure. Even Uther has started looking at him as another son. No-one could pass Gaius in that position though, everyone knew that.

Morgana took off the bracelet Merlin had given her for her last birthday. It was a month before this hell started.

"Merlin gave me this. He put magic on it and he has something very similar to it. He said that his magic gives it the glow but the magic shows his life force. He told me the spell to put on his and the magic in that shows my life force. If the glow flashes as in, it turns brighter then dimmer and brighter again then dimmer, it means that we're in danger. Mine keeps flashing every now and again but it also stays faint. I believe that, when it flashes, he's being tortured of some kind. When it's faint it means that the torture has stopped but he might possibly be unconscious but barely hanging onto life. Sometimes there is a day where it will just be faint so I don't think whoever has him wants to kill him." Morgana explained but everyone could hear the non-spoken 'yet' in the air after she fell silent. Everyone stayed quiet while they processed the information they received. Merlin's alive, barely, but is being tortured on an almost day to day basis. No-one can decide whether or not they'd have preferred to hear he was dead instead of what they have been told.

"Can it guide us to him?" Everyone turned around at a hoarse voice to see Arthur standing there, silent tears streaming down his face. Morgana shook her head, trying not to cry at the state of her brother. She'd give anything to see him and Merlin back together, smiling and laughing. Arthur's face looked even more crestfallen at her response, if that was even possible.

"How do you know?" Arthur asked, desperation dripping from every syllable.

"I tried it. When I've been looking for him." Morgana informed him. Arthur looked ready to protest, like he always does.

"Arthur. I think we should be grateful that we know he's alive." Uther told his son softly while walking from the table and going over to him. He tried placing a comforting hand on his son but Arthur jumped away, emotions flickering across his face.

"Grateful? He's being tortured, barely hanging onto life! We need to find him otherwise he may as well be dead!" Arthur shrieked. He was starting to hyperventilate and Gaius rushed over.

"Everyone stay back. Uther we need to calm him down."

"How do we do that?" Uther shouted while trying to calm his son with soothing noises. Nothing was working. "Arthur. Calm down. Come on son. Calm down. Arthur. You're going to be sick if you don't then you won't be able to help Merlin. Calm down…shhh." Uther tried. Gaius was doing the same thing.

"Percival. Help me carry him to my chambers. I will have to give him a sedative."

"Gaius he's not breathing properly. Gaius!" Uther exclaimed, worry creeping into his tone even though he was still trying to get his son calm.

"He's having a panic attack. Now Percival!" Percival rushed over and lifted the panicked Prince in his arms then rushed out of the council chambers.

The other Knight's flanked the group as they kept the Prince away from prying eyes. The girls had gone on ahead of them to prepare Gaius' chambers for the Prince. He'll need to be comfy when he comes to. When they reached the chamber, the sick bed was made up and Percival laid the blonde Prince on it. He was on the edge of falling unconscious, he hadn't even realised what was happening. Gaius quickly got a vial and forced the liquid into the Prince's mouth. The effect was immediate. His breathing calmed down and he fell unconscious. Everyone let out a breath no-one knew they were holding. Everyday it gets worse for everyone. Everyday their small group worries more and more about Merlin and wonder where he's being held. Everyday they grow more concerned about the Prince. Everyday they wonder how they can't even look after someone who they can help. Everyday they know the only way to help him would be to sort out their first problem.

**A/N What do you think? Reading it through I think the panic attack is slightly rushed but then again, it's a panic attack and it will probably be quick in real life. I don't knnow whether it's a right description or not but from what I've heard it seems accurate enough. :) Oh. I went mad for a certain page in OK! magazine today as there is a small picture of Colin :D Would've preferred a bigger picture but still :D**


	3. Hope

**A/N Here's chapter 3 with a bit of Merlin :D Not so happy though. :(  
>WARNINGS: I think it can be called suicidal thoughts? The story will have suicide later on. Not for a long time though. :)<br>Disclaimer: don't own  
><strong>**  
><strong>Merlin came round after yet another beating. Each day it grows harder and harder to go on. Everyday for the past two weeks he's been wishing that he doesn't come round the next time he falls unconscious, that it will all be over. Every time those thoughts swim in his head, they are quickly banished with thoughts of Arthur searching for him. Merlin knows deep down that the Prince is looking for him, that he wouldn't give up but he's started to develop a negative side that keeps whispering that the Prince has gave up, that no-one will come to his rescue. That side of him is slowly taking over. Merlin has tried to escape himself, he truly has but his capturer, his torturer, can easily overpower him. He gave up trying after a month in captivity. It had became hopeless. If he had access to his magic then he would have escaped as soon as he had been caught. If he had been paying attention to his surroundings or at least using his magic to keep a look out then he wouldn't have even been taken by surprise! Instead they managed to get magic restrainers on his wrists that is what had brought him back to reality. That mistake was the beginning of the end for his cheerful nature.

Arthur came round slowly to whispered voices. Once he managed to get back to his senses, he realised they were voices he recognised. He made out Gaius', his father's and Morgana's. he stayed completely still, with his eyes shut and focused on what they were saying. "No Morgana!" his father shouted, well, as much as he can when whispering.

"I have to! Arthur will just get worse. I know he's alive. We just need to find him. If I can find a spell that can track Merlin's own magic, then it will be easy to find him. Do you really want to lose your own son as well as Merlin? That's what's happening father. You, we, are losing him. He might be alive as in heart beating, breathing but he isn't living. He's a shell." Morgana protested. There was a pause where Uther took a ragged breath. When he next spoke his voice was low that Arthur had to strain to hear. Even then it was hard for his father's words broke. "You don't think I know that? You think I want that? I want Merlin back as much as anyone and I know having Merlin back will bring Arthur back but I can't risk losing my daughter as well. If they've took Merlin, they can easily take you. Can't you see that Morgana? If I lose you, I've lost everyone and nothing will keep me living." There was what sounded like a sob the King was trying to keep in. Arthur knew, if he was like he use to be, he would have felt heartbroken that he was the main reason for his father's grief but he was that numb he couldn't even feel guilty. There was the scraping of a stool and then Morgana's voice sounded again. "I understand father. I would be the exact same but if anyone has the tools to be able to get Merlin back, find out where he is, it will be me. I'll bring Arthur, I'll bring the Knights. Is it not worth the risk? I'm not just out to find Merlin anymore, this is as much about helping Arthur then finding Merlin now. You know it is. It's the only thing we can do to bring him out of this state. Please let me go." Morgana pleaded. There was a long suffering sigh then Uther agreed to let her go. "Thank you father."

"Morgana. I've found the spell you'll need but I must warn you, it is extremely powerful. Even Merlin would have trouble casting it." Gaius explained with the sound of something heavy being placed on a table. They started muttering some more about the spell but Arthur zoned out. They were going to find Merlin. Morgana's learning a spell that will track Merlin down. For the first time in a month, Arthur felt something other then despair, he felt hope. The Prince decided it was time to let them know he was awake.

He moved his aching limbs and groaned when sitting up. Uther was immediately by his side. "Son. You need to stay lying down for a bit. Gaius had to drug you last night to calm you down." That explained his dead limbs then.

"I'm fine. I've been awake for a while. When can we set off?" Arthur got straight to the point. The three 'sane' one's looked at each other. They were hoping he'd rest for a couple of days. They knew it was going against their luck. "As soon as I learn the spell." Morgana explained. Arthur nodded.

"I'll go tell the Knights." Arthur made to get off the bed but Uther's hand on his shoulder kept him in place.

"You'll rest for a bit and eat. We don't know how long Morgana will take learning the spell." his father said firmly. Arthur tried shaking him off but some of Gaius' potion was still in his system making him weaker then usual. Arthur let himself be forced down, back on the bed. He was that numb he didn't even feel embarrassed. All he felt was annoyance. They have a chance to find Merlin. He want's everything to be sorted for when Morgana learns the spell. He want's to set off with no delay. Why won't they let him do that? He knows the answer but he refuses to be put before Merlin. He just hopes Merlin can hold on a bit longer…wherever he is.

Merlin was sitting in his cell when he felt a slight tingling down his body. He couldn't place it but it felt like Arthur. It felt like hope. Merlin drifted off into a nap, smiling, despite his situation.

**A/N N'awww Merlin 3 What do you think? Did you enjoy seeing Merlin? The plot's starting to roll. I think I better start writing it again as I've been tackling my room. :/ I'm going to start going back into school on Tuesday afternoons :O SCARY! Oh and thank you to everyone reviewwing, favoriting and story alerting. Means a lot and people are also reading After the Crystal Cave as well! :O**


	4. It's Time to Go

**A/N Chapter 4! I've just finished chapter 7 and onto chapter 8 :D I think people might like them chapters ;) Thank you for the response and please keep it coming :) You'll find out who the kidnapper is in this one. ;)  
>WARNING: Slight description of a flogging in this chapter and thoughts of death.<br>Disclaimer: don't own**

**To anonymous: I've ended up having an interesting twist that wrote itself so you'll have to wait and see because I don't want to give stuff away ;) I care about them both, and all the Knights, loads but Arthur has always been my favorite character with Merlin a close second. :D I love hurt!Arthur though. There's something about him. Hope this is good for you. :D (Revenge non-slash)**

Merlin was woken by a whip making it's way down his already cut back. "Ahhh." he yelled out. It had been two days since he felt the tingling sensation and he was beginning to think it was nothing. "Up." came the command. Merlin was slow getting to his feet so he got the whip down his torso. "Ahh." Merlin groaned again. He was hoping more then ever that the whip will eventually be the end of him. Sooner rather then later. Merlin had scrambled to his feet and had his head lowered but eyes looking up, defiant. He still had some sort of spirit left. Quite shocking really. "Who's becoming a good boy." his capturer leered.

"Go to hell." Merlin said. That earned him another lash on his front. Merlin didn't even scream with the pain that time. It's becoming familiar. It's almost like the only friend he has left. It's always there. "Still hoping your Prince is coming? It's been over two months now. He'll never find you. He's probably gave up and gone to find himself another servant to pretend to be bet friends with." he sneered. Merlin glared at him but the words stabbed him in the heart. He didn't show it though. He didn't show that, that is what he's been thinking. "Go to hell." Merlin repeated but it had less bite to it. The male whipped the warlock again. Merlin tried to fight back tears that were blurring his vision. He might scream in pain but crying is one thing he wouldn't do. He can't bare anyone seeing him so vulnerable. He wouldn't give this…this animal the satisfaction. "Aww. Is someone trying not to cry?" the man sneered, whipping Merlin's abused torso.

"Why are you doing this?" Merlin forced out. His voice was breaking and Merlin hoped it didn't sound as bad as it did to the torturers ears as it did to his own. "You know why." the man hissed. "You made me lose the tournament! I could've remained champion if you hadn't meddled. You made me look a fool. Well, this is your punishment." Walden hit Merlin again and again and again. The whip acting as a bridge for Walden's anger to reach and mark Merlin.

The abuse reached an end after what must have been a few minutes but for Merlin was eternity. Walden spat on Merlin's abused body, the saliva stinging Merlin's open cuts. He then left, dragging the whip across the floor. He slammed the door shut, enveloping Merlin in darkness. Darkness had now become Merlin's sanctuary, his safety. Merlin curled up on himself. His wounds stretched and protested against it but Merlin didn't care. He just wanted to be small and hoped Walden wouldn't see him next time he entered the cell. Merlin knew it was foolish, he'll always get Merlin when he want's to. Merlin finally let the silent tears roll down his cheeks as he hoped, once again, that someone was on their way.

Arthur felt a weird tingling in his body. It felt like Merlin. He'd been having that on and off for the past couple of days. He put it to hope. He moved from his bed to look out of the window. He'd been doing that a lot the past two months when he wasn't out looking for Merlin. It happens sub-consciously as if waiting to see Merlin pass through the gates holding a bag of herbs he'd picked for Gaius. Arthur felt silent tears catching on his eyelashes. He let them fall. He didn't care anymore. All he wants is Merlin. How much longer will Morgana take? Arthur's half tempted to just go on his own again. His question was answered in the next second. He heard the door open and Arthur blinked the tears away furiously before turning around to see his visitor. It's Morgana. "It's time to go." Morgana said the words Arthur had been praying to hear since they formed the plan. Arthur ran and got his stuff, that was already packed, then followed Morgana down to the stables.

The Knight's were already on horses and smiled at Arthur and Morgana as they neared. Uther and Gaius were standing next to two horses, holding the reigns. Arthur took the horse his father was holding, his trusted grey stallion; Lunar. Morgana took her horse from Gaius, a chestnut brown called Mino. "Be safe. All of you." Uther said looking pointedly at his two children. "Bring Merlin home. Good luck." With that he took a step backwards.

"I've packed provisions and medical supplies in this bag here. Morgana I've shown you how to handle serious injuries and you should've known most of what to do with the amount of help you've gave me through the years. Arthur, you should know most of it yourself. Everything you might need is in that bag. Morgana, don't use healing spells unless you're in dire need. You'll be tired from the power of the spell you will be using. Be careful. Good luck and please bring Merlin to safety." Gaius said. He walked to stand next to Uther. The Knights and two royalty nodded their heads before heading out the gates and hopefully to Merlin.

Deep in his sorrow, curled up in a ball, Merlin felt the tingling sensation more forceful then ever. It could only mean a good thing, right?

**A/N Yaaaay! Go get'em! :D What did ya's think? Reviews especially if it one's saying you want to kill Walden cuz I do and I'm the one writing him! :D haha. Love you all.**


	5. Breaking a Warlock

**A/N Almost in tears reading this back. This is where the twist I've been talking about comes into play.  
>WARNING: Slight description of rape but at the same time it isn't? Confused? Read and you'll find out. Sorry if it offends anyone but this warning was right at the beginning.<br>Disclaimer: don't own anyone other then Walden.**

The sound of a group of horses hooves slowing travelled through the clump of trees making the animals scurry back to their homes. The latest group from Camelot came to a halt by a running stream. To the blonde of the group, this place was awfully familiar now. He could come here in his sleep. That's how many times he's travelled here in the past two months. "This is where he was taken." Arthur stated. The Knight's knew that already. They had been looking for him as well. No-one tells Arthur that anymore. They believe it's some sort of way for Arthur to cope with what happened, that he was taken and didn't just decide to leave him. "Right." Morgana said, dismounting her horse. She moved around with her hand outstretched. No-one disturbed her. They let her work her magic in peace. She stopped by a bush. She knelt down beside it and examined it. Something must have caught her eye as she scrunched them up and looked closer. "Arthur." she said looking at her brother. "This branch has a trace of blood on it. Merlin's blood." Arthur's eyes widened. He'd been here God knows how many times but he never found any blood. He quickly dismounted and walked over. He looked where Morgana was and sure enough, there was the smallest trace of dry blood. "How do you know it's Merlin's?" he asked.

"Because it has his magic in it." Morgana stated simply. Arthur felt like throwing up. He noticed Morgana stand up and face the overgrown path that is next to the bush. She closed her eyes and looked so peaceful. Suddenly her eyes snapped open and they were glowing molten gold. "That way." Morgana pointed. The two siblings mounted their horses and Morgana led the way. The horses hooves thundered on the path making birds fly high in the sky.

"Up!" came Walden's wake up call. Merlin thought he might've been dreaming as no whip came with it like it usually does. Merlin had only hesitated for a couple of seconds but for Walden, that was too long. "Up!" he yelled followed by a boot to the warlocks ribs. Merlin's face screwed up in pain and got to his feet. He saw that there was no whip in Walden's hands. For a moment Merlin thought that the Knight had grown a conscience and would let him go. Alas, it was not meant to be. Walden walked around Merlin, deliberately taking slow steps. It made Merlin's hair stick up. He visibly shuddered. "Am I making you nervous?" the torturer sneered. "Good. You know. Most people would've broke with the whip after a month. Not you though. You still have some fighting spirit. I don't like it. It means I have to take extreme measures. Thinking about it, it should be very, what's the word…_pleasurable_ for me." he hissed. He stopped behind Merlin. It took a minute for Walden's words to register with Merlin's brain. His eyes widened in shock as he realised what was about to happen. He struggled against his bonds. He knew it was hopeless. Walden was a lot stronger and a bigger build then the brunette. It didn't help that Merlin was chained up. "Keep still and try to relax. Then again, it won't make much difference." he leered. Merlin tried to relax. It was no use as he felt a searing pain take over his senses.

"Ahh!" Arthur screamed as he felt pain in his lower torso. It felt like his insides were tearing. The rest of the group turned to see their Prince's face scrunched up in pain and clutching his stomach. "Arthur." Morgana said concern lacing her words. Arthur's reply was another groan. "Arthur!" Morgana yelled making her horse stand next to Arthur's. being so close, the seer could see tears falling from his eyes. "Arthur." she said gently.

"It…hurts." Arthur gasped so quietly that only Morgana could hear him.

"What hurts? Arthur tell me." Morgana asked.

"My ins-ahhh!" Arthur yelled in pain. He hunched over in his horse.

"Percival! Help me get him down. Now!" Morgana shouted dismounting her horse and grabbed Arthur gently at the side but had a firm grip. Percival rushed to her side and together they lifted him down and laid him on the grass. They'd stopped in a small clearing which was lucky. When they were moving him, Arthur writhed in pain. Morgana had never seen him like this before. It was quite hard to witness. "Quick. Get me that bag." she ordered. Percival got up and looked for the bag. While Percival was doing that Morgana turned her full attention back to her brother. "Arthur. Why does it hurt? What does it feel like?" she said gently but loud enough to be heard over his sobbing. Arthur was clutching at his stomach but also thrashing his other hand between his thighs. Morgana lowered her gaze and gasped in shock as she saw a dark colour making it's way through the clothing. Percival returned with the bag and placed it next to her. The Knights had gathered round but stayed back enough to give the Prince some space. "I need to get his breeches off. Now." Morgana announced. Percival lifted Arthur up slightly so Morgana could remove the clothing. As soon as they were down his thighs, Percival lowered his hips back to the ground. Everyone gathered gasped simultaneously as they saw the crimson colour of blood smudged on the Princes thighs. "What the?" Leon said. Arthur was shaking his head and muttering no and trying to stop Morgana from looking. "Arthur. I need to see why you're bleeding. Arthur. Unless you can tell me why." she said trying to hold back her emotions.

"Please, stop, please." Arthur sobbed and everyone in the group felt broken at the Prince's pleas. Having him numb, while being heartbreaking, they had got use to it. Arthur sobbing on the other hand is something no-one has experienced ever before. Not even Gaius and Uther have experienced it. "Stop what? Arthur we aren't hurting you. We're trying to help." Morgana told him.

"Stop, please." Arthur sobbed but it was becoming quieter as if he was...

"He's falling unconscious! Leon, try and keep him with us. Percival. Help me spread his legs. I need to see why he's bleeding." Morgana ordered. They did as they were told.

"Here. Drink this Arthur." Leon ordered lifting a water skin to Arthur's mouth and tipping a bit inside. Arthur swallowed, not because he wanted to but because he was too weak to resist. Morgana audibly gasped. "What is it?" Gwaine asked, fearful of the answer. Morgana shook her head not comprehending what was right in front of her. "It..it looks like he's been…raped." she said. Confusion was seen in everyone's faces. Raped?

"How?" Lancelot asked. Morgana just shook her head and muttered "I dunno."

"Morgana! He's falling unconscious." Leon shouted while trying to keep the Prince conscious. His muttered pleas had drifted into nothing. His face was pale and sweaty. Everything pieced together matches the description of a rape but…how? "Let me look." Morgana said getting up and moving to her brothers head. She looked him over. He had fallen unconscious. "Leon. Dab his head with a cloth. Lancelot and Gwaine. You two, set up camp. I need to clean Arthur up and look. We'll rest here. Elyan, you and Percival take up guard first." Everyone nodded and did as they were told.

"How is he?" Gwaine asked when Morgana appeared a couple of hours later.

"Everything points to a rape. I don't know how but it's happened." Morgana was confused. There was no magic coming from Arthur. It just doesn't make sense. Gwaine fell silent. He was thinking the same. How could the Prince have been raped when he was travelling on a horse and no magic? This was all they needed. "Do you think he'll remember and you know…react the same as someone who had been…you know?"

"I dunno. We should let him rest. I'll keep watch over him tonight. I've put up a magical barrier. We should still have a couple of people keep guard as well though." Morgana said. With a nod to each other, Morgana left to watch over her ill brother. No-one got a good rest that night. The picture of the Prince bleeding somewhere intimate, writhing in pain and pleading was etched on the front of their mind. It will be a while before it goes away.

Meanwhile, somewhere not too far away, lay a broken warlock naked, covered in blood and curled up on himself. He had been left alone since that morning. The morning that broke the last of his spirit. There will be no peace ever again for him. He wishes he was a skeleton you usually see in cells like his. That way he couldn't feel and could be left alone. There is one problem with wishing; they never come true.

**A/N PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! *cowers under arms* I didn't want to go into detail with Merlin but this twist was too good to give up. What do you think? Even if it's to shout at me for, not only making Merlin be abused but also Arthur, review! I was checking them while my tutour was sorting my science out today. She didn't know a thing (and doesn't need to!) ;) hehe.**


	6. Aftermath

**A/N Last chapter didn't seem that popular. At least I didn't get death threats. Here's chapter 6 and I'm off to bed. Think I've got the viral infection mam's had recently. :/  
>WARNING: Slight flogging description.<br>Disclaimer: don't own**

Dawn was on the horizon when Arthur started stirring. "Argh." he groaned. When he finally peeled his eyes open it was to see his sister sleeping next to him, arm draped over his chest in a protective embrace. He tried to remember what had happened yesterday but it wouldn't come to him. A faint throbbing radiated from his lower torso. Focusing on the mysterious pain, it got steadily worse. "Ahh." Arthur gasped. The pain was coming from somewhere intimate that he nor anyone else had touched to make it hurt. Arthur tried sitting up to see if it will dull the pain any. Instead it got even worse. "Ahh." Arthur gasped again, even louder this time. Moving and gasping in pain brought Morgana out of her dreams. "Arthur?" she asked, mind groggy from just waking up. Arthur just looked at her and when Morgana cleared the sleep from her eyes, she saw his face screwed up in pain and confusion. "Arthur." she breathed. "Lie down. I'll get you a pain numbing potion." Arthur didn't even bother arguing.

Elyan, who was on guard at the moment, looked over to see the siblings starting to come round. He saw Morgana coming over. "How is he?" he asked.

"Sore and confused. I think he doesn't remember what happened." she explained getting the bottle she needs. "Is there anything I can do to help?" Elyan asked her retreating figure.

"Just keep guard." she told him. Elyan just nodded and watched from his post.

"Here. Drink this. It will help." Morgana said handing the bottle over to Arthur.

"These are for Merlin." Arthur protested feebly.

"Arthur. You need it. There is plenty for Merlin. Now drink." Morgana ordered. Arthur was too weak to argue with her at this moment in time. He drunk the foul-tasting drink and the effects started happening immediately. He could feel the pain starting to numb somewhat and he felt slightly stronger. He sat up. "When are we going to set off?" Arthur asked.

"Dawn when all the Knights have got up and you've regained some more strength. Do you remember what happened?" Morgana asked. Arthur thought for a moment before shaking his head, frustration clear on his face. "Oh." was all Morgana could reply with. It has been bothering her since she found out what the matter was and was hoping Arthur could help her figure it out. Obviously it wasn't to be and Arthur forgetting everything that had happened heightened her curiosity. "What happened?" Arthur asked. Morgana looked at her brothers face and realised that lying was out of the question. If they want to figure out what happened, they need to be honest with each other. "The way you were last night and your injuries all point to you being…raped." she explained softly but to the point. Arthur looked confused then embarrassed and then shocked all in one minute. "What?" he asked.

"You were raped yet you…weren't." Morgana informed him.

"How…what…when? I can't have been. I was…I was on a horse all day. I…I can't have been!" Arthur stuttered trying to make sense of the information. He stood up as a natural response when he was confused and a sharp twinge of pain backed up Morgana's diagnosis. He clutched his stomach but the potion he took had worked his magic and he didn't feel it again. "Arthur. I know it's hard to process and even we don't know what happened but the fact is, you were somehow raped. Magic wasn't involved so we don't know anything more then you do. All we can hope for is that it doesn't happen again, whatever it was. Hopefully, when we return to Camelot, whenever that will be, Gaius will have an explanation." Morgana tried explaining what she knew. She turned to the rest of the campfire and made out the rest of the group starting to move. "The Knights are stirring. Come on. Let's get some food in you and then head off. Merlin had been taken in that direction." the seer pointed to East. Arthur couldn't help but go with her.

Merlin felt groggy when he woke. Pain shot through his lower torso reminding him of the events of yesterday. Merlin felt a wave of repulsion ripple through his body. Not at Walden but at himself. How can he have allowed that to happen? He knew the truth but he still blamed himself. He felt a tear fall down his dirty face and furiously wiped it away. He shouldn't be crying over something he let happen no matter what disadvantages he had on his side. He heard the door unlock and tried to scurry back but the pain was too much that he only managed to move a couple of inches. "How's my little slut?" Walden sneered. Merlin stayed silent. Fighting back got him into his current situation. Fighting back had never done him any good. He will now do as he was told. That way nothing worse could come. He hoped so anyway. "Aww. Not talking to me anymore? Do you not like me?" he feigned hurt but still, Merlin did nothing. "And there's me hoping you liked me enough that we could have a repeat performance of yesterday. I don't know about you but I really enjoyed it." Walden leered and Merlin tensed up in horror. "Unfortunatly I have to be somewhere today so I'm going to leave you in the capable hands of Michael, my servant. You remember him, don't you? Well, he remembers you and cannot wait for a catch up. I'll see you later on. I'm sure you two will have fun today." With that Walden left with an evil sneer while Micheal looked at Merlin with a look similar of his master. Merlin gulped. This can't be good. Merlin whimpered as he saw the whip appear from behind Micheal's back. "We shall certainly have fun, won't we Merlin."

The group from Camelot were edging ever closer to Merlin yet they did not know it. As they were travelling through a group of closely knitted trees, Arthur felt scratches down his back. He gasped in shock mingled with pain. He kept feeling the scratches yet it didn't feel like it was branches making the scratches. He would've felt his clothes rip or at least heard it. All he could feel was blood starting to gush out of the open cuts. He could feel no breeze that would indicate his clothes had been cut. The pain got worse as he felt the cuts start to criss-cross on his back. It felt like he was being flogged. On the next 'whipping', he let out a gasp of pain that made the rest of the group turn around to face him with the same emotion on their faces; concern. Arthur faked a smile and just said he was uncomfortable. When Morgana asked whether he wanted to stop he dismissed it and said he'll be fine. Morgana narrowed her eyes at him but said nothing more. Arthur was ever so grateful. The whipping pain had stopped by this point but the pain from the cuts were getting worse as the clothes started sticking to them with the blood from the cuts. He tried unsticking the clothes without seeming suspicious. He managed to succeed to some degree. When they stopped to water the horses, he'll sort it out himself. He doesn't want them worrying anymore then they already are. Why is it happening to him though? Why did it seem like he'd been raped yesterday when it was impossible? How was this happening when it's impossible? If it's not magic and not really happening then what other force is at work here?

**A/N Poor Arthur and Merlin. When will they rescue him? I already know because I've just wrote it ;) hehe. Please review?**


	7. Dust

**A/N I think you might like this chapter ;)  
>Disclaimer: don't own<strong>

"Well then Michael. How was our little friend today?" Walden asked of his servant.

"Unresponsive like we wanted sir. You broke him yesterday and one does wonder how it was milord." Michael replied with a smirk. Walden grinned as if they were talking about a hunt gone well and not the abuse of a young man. "Very nice indeed." was the response. Michael just laughed. "Let us see him then." Walden said, already making his way to where Merlin was being held. Michael followed like a good puppy.

"Hello Merlin. How was your day? Good from what I've heard and from what I can see." Walden said in mock pleasantry. Merlin just stared, face blank but eyes burning with an ounce of defiance even after everything that's happened. "Not speaking still? What a shame. Oh well. We'll see if you'll speak tomorrow. I'm quite tired if I'm being honest which is very unfortunate. Isn't it Merlin? I'll see you bright and early tomorrow." Walden left Merlin but not after sending a sickly sweet smile at Merlin which is just as bad as a leer. Michael gave Merlin a smirk and followed his master out leaving Merlin alone in a dark cell with thoughts just as dark and foreboding. When will it all end? Will he die and be left to rot? Is this what the rest of his life is going to be like? Will someone be able to find him before time runs out? Merlin scoffed at the thought as he curled up in a protective position.

The group travelling from Camelot came to the edge of the forest where it opens out onto abandoned fields. Overgrown weeds and nettles are the only living thing in sight. In the middle of the group of fields was a small hut. "What are we doing here?" Arthur asked.

"The magic. Merlin's presence is strong here. He's somewhere around here. I know it." Morgana answered facing her brother. Arthur drew his eyebrows together in confusion and so did Leon, Gwaine and Percival. "Morgana. We," here he gestured to the three Knights named. "We'd checked this place out only last month. There's nothing in there. Not even any mice. It's been deserted for years. If Merlin had been there, we would have seen some indication." Arthur informed the witch even if his own words were a stab to his heart. He hated the fact that they turned up in the middle of nowhere but if Morgana's magic had led them here and Merlin was then Arthur had found Merlin but had left him to more torture. Arthur couldn't bare the thought that he'd sentenced Merlin to a month more in captivity. "Maybe someone covered their tracks. It's possible. Let's just check it out. See if you missed something." Morgana nudged Mino into moving towards the abandoned hut. The Knight's followed.

They stopped in what would've been a beautiful front garden but was just like the fields with it's overgrown weeds. They dismounted their horses and tied them up. Morgana then led them into the hut where it seemed exactly the same as when Arthur had searched it. He said as much. Morgana just ignored him. While the Knights stood around looking uncomfortable, Morgana looked around the hut, concentrating on her magic. It pulled her over to where there was a table and chairs in a corner. She knelt down and examined the floor. Nothing seemed out of place but for a hut that was supposedly abandoned, there was a detail that no-one would have thought important but at the same time, was a main piece of evidence that in fact, it has been used. "Arthur, come here. Look at the floor and the table then look at the objects on the other side of the room. What's different?" Arthur did as he was told. He looked at the floor and furniture then looked at the dusty objects on the walls. While he was by the walls, his boots made faint prints were dust had gathered on the floor. "I don't see anything unusual." Arthur said, making his way back over to his sister. "Really? Then why are their footprints over there but not over here?" Morgana hinted. Arthur just looked confused then realisation dawned on his face. "Dust?" he said. He took a closer look and realised that where they were, there was not a speck of dust. "Correct. Help me move this table." Morgana said. Arthur did help and by now the Knights had perked up with interest. When they had moved the furniture, they examined the floor underneath. It all seemed the same. Arthur ran his hand over it where it got a graze by a stone sticking up. "Ahh." he gasped. Taking a closer look at the rock, Arthur took the jagged edge in his hand and pulled. The floor lifted up to reveal a trap door with a staircase leading down. The group gasped as one. "He's down there." Morgana stated, so quiet yet so matter-of-fact and suddenly Arthur was full of nerves and guilt. Merlin had been here when he'd checked it a month ago but he was so stupid he hadn't checked every detail properly. Now he's getting Merlin back but what will he find down there? They all looked at Arthur and, inhaling deeply, he started climbing down the stairs with Morgana following behind and the Knights taking up the rear.

**A/N :D Reviews otherwise I might change the next chapter ;)**


	8. Rescue

**A/N The chapter you have all been waiting for, probably! :D  
>Disclaimer: don't own<br>Dedicated to: Bubzchoc (I don't think that's right-sorry!) who is a faithful reviewer. Hope you enjoy. X  
><strong>  
>Walden and Michael were too involved laughing about their cruel amusement that they failed to notice approaching footsteps. "You!" Arthur snarled, drawing his sword into an attack position. Walden whipped his head around and his eyes widened in shock and horror. Thankfully, for him, that he is a skilled Knight and has been for a couple of decades. He managed to draw his sword and defend himself just as the Prince tried to land a deadly blow. Arthur growled in anger and frustration. This monster has kidnapped and tortured Merlin and he wants revenge, he wants death! Walden started getting in his own attacks. Arthur, even with his own anger blinding his vision, managed to block them then give his own attack. With his anger fuelling his energy and putting power behind his blows, Walden, who also had the disadvantage of being twice Arthur's age, stood no chance. Before he knew it, Arthur had him flat on his back and his sword two feet away. His own sword was pricking Walden's neck making a trickle of blood create a river down the side of Walden's neck. "Where's Merlin?" Arthur asked, voice so quiet, it was barely a whisper but it was so full of venom. "I don't know what you're talking about Sire." Walden said trying to act innocent. Arthur dragged the sword even further into his neck creating a steady flow of crimson blood. "Where is he?"<p>

"Behind the door just around the corner. I don't even know why you bothered coming. There isn't much left of him." Walden knew his position was hopeless and time was up. He was making the must of it while he could. "I know why you like him. So tight. Best thing I've ever done." Walden started laughing but it soon turned into a choking sound as Arthur thrust his sword into his stomach, twisting and turning it, making as much pain as possible. "Go to hell!" and with that he withdrew his sword and cleaned it on the piece of filth that had called itself a human. "What should we do with this one?" Leon asked. Arthur realised then that the others were still with him. Leon was in front of him, slightly to the left, holding Michael who was staring at his masters body in horror. He quickly shot his head up to stare at Arthur, realisation dawning that his fate could be as bad as his masters with his part in the capture. "Tie him up. We'll see how much damage he did then take him to Camelot. There, he'll be executed." Arthur said voice indifferent as he looked at the servant. He then turned and started walking to the door that held Merlin.

Merlin was brought out of his musings as he heard a commotion going on. It sounded like a fight but it was soon over. He thought maybe he imagined it. No-one could find him here and Michael certainly wouldn't purposely bring any harm to his master. No, it was more then likely in his head. Merlin lowered his head again and tried to forget about the burning pain down his back and torso. It was then that he heard levelled, but hurried footsteps coming closer and closer to where he was kept prisoner. Merlin immediately shuffled as far back from the door as possible and curled up with his head down. He wasn't suppose to have another beating. Walden said! It's the only thing he keeps to! The door creaked open from the rusty hinges. It just added to the stereotypical nightmare that is Merlin's reality. He tried to calm his hectic breathing but it's too soon after Michael's beating. The footsteps approached and Merlin saw them. They didn't look like Walden's boots. In fact, they look vaguely familiar. The person crouched down in front of Merlin and then, then the voice he's been praying for spoke his name. "Merlin?" He risked a glance up and there in front of him was his blonde saviour. He didn't speak, he couldn't but his eyes spoke volumes; relief, hope and unshed tears. Arthur swiftly got working on the bonds keeping Merlin down. He deliberately didn't look at the scars and open cuts on Merlin's body. They could wait until they had Merlin out of this hell hole. The chains were took off Merlin and soon, the only thing left were the magic restrainers. Arthur took out the key he had took from around Walden's neck and gently lifted one of Merlin's wrists. He felt Merlin tense up at the contact and flinch away so he made soothing noises and, with his thumb, made gentle circles on his forearm. Merlin calmed somewhat. Arthur felt relieved as the key fitted into the slot in the restrainers and then he turned the key and a click echoed around the cell at the same time Merlin felt power rush through his body. Arthur did the same to the other wrist and soon, Merlin could breathe slightly better. His happiness at having his magic return, albeit very weak magic but magic nevertheless, must have shone on his face but Merlin immediately composed his emotions and made his face blank as soon as he remembered he wasn't alone. Arthur's face fell when he saw the happiness be replaced by a blank look. It must have been the months in captivity. "Come on. Let's get you out of here." Arthur said and gently draped his cloak over his abused body. It was too big to actually make contact on Merlin's body. He has always been slim but now he looks like a bag of bones. Seeing the marks of abuse made Arthur's heart break. He held back the tears for Merlin's sake as he lifted the warlock up and carried him as one would carry their new bride. He knew from experience that it is the more comfortable position for an injured body. Merlin immediately tensed and tried to squirm out of the Prince's hold but it was firm. It was too much too soon. Arthur tried soothing him but did not let up on the hold. He carried him out of the hut and then to the forest where he told the others to start making camp. Seeing the hut might make Merlin anxious and they want to bring some sort of relief for Merlin as soon as they can.

Merlin had stopped squirming by the time they reached the camp and just settled for biting his lip and looking anywhere other then the Prince's face and in front of him. The Knights started drawing their swords as they heard the crunching of leaves and snapping of twigs but then the Prince appeared and they gasped in unison at the body he held. They couldn't see anything because of the protection of the cloak but they could tell that Merlin had suffered as they looked at the side of his face. It was sunken and a sickly grey colour. His hair was matted with dirt and blood and has grown almost to his shoulders. Morgana came into sight just as Arthur laid Merlin down and managed to contain her gasp but a whimper escaped her mouth at the sight. Merlin immediately pulled himself into a ball and cast weary eyes at the sight of the Knights and seer even if they were all friends. He then looked back at his best friend who's sea-blue eyes had a sea of their own with unshed tears that looked like they were about to flood. Merlin's heart broke at the sight. He was unaware that he still felt anything but he realised it must have been hard on Arthur with his disappearance. He didn't think much more of it as he saw Morgana appear with the bag of medical supplies. His eyes widened in fear. He knew that it was probably to help with his injuries but Walden had made the cuts even worse with tonics at one point. It burned so much and those wounds were still trying to heal after the acid had attacked them. Merlin tried getting away but Arthur had held him still, trying to soothe the broken warlock but also himself. What had Walden done? He will find out from Michael. He'll torture it out of him if he had to. Speaking of which, where was the vicious puppy? He'll worry about that later, he decided as Merlin started breathing heavily. "Shhh. Calm down Merlin. Morgana's trying to clean the cuts. Shhh. The sooner we do this, the sooner they'll get better. Come on." It managed to work to some extent as he stopped squirming but heart-wrenching sobs escaped the brunette. He twisted his neck round and hid his face in the crook of Arthur's neck. It had always made him feel safe and, no matter what he's been through, it still has the desired effect. Arthur understood what Merlin was doing and brought his right hand up to gently stroke through the matted hair that relaxed Merlin even further as Morgana got to work bandaging some cuts up. Merlin tried to get his breathing to match Arthur's but it was fighting a losing battle.

The Knights just stood watching the scene unfold not knowing what to do to help. They've never felt so helpless. Leon has been a Knight for most of his life but never has such a horrible situation happened to someone he was so close to. Elyan had also became close to Merlin and everyone knew what a lovable, charming, happy-go-lucky person he was. He didn't deserve this. Percival felt the same way. It was harder on Lancelot and Gwaine as they were Merlin's closest friends. He had helped them when no other would. He had helped Lancelot prove his worth the first time he was Knighted even if that didn't turn out so well. He was Gwaine's best friend and once over, his only friend and he would travel to the end of the Earth if it meant he could spare Merlin's life. Seeing Merlin like this was heart-wrenching. It's going to be a hard recovery…for everyone.

**A/N Hope none of you got arrested for murdering anyone called Walden and Michael! Soooo, Walden's dead, Michael is going to be executed when they get to Camelot, Merlin is found but broken and Arthur doesn't know what's worse; not having Merlin or seeing him like this. Question! Who do you feel more sorry for at the moment: Arthur, Merlin or Morgana and the Knights cuz they're pretty broken? I want to know because I'll be asking again later on. ;) Add it in a review!  
>OH! I'm going into school for half an hour at lunch tomorrow! SCARY! D: Wish me luck!<strong>


	9. First Night

**A/N A few of you liked Walden dying then? ;) A couple of filler chapters just to show how the groups thoughts are on having Merlin back. Slight writers block at the minute. :P  
>Very sorry it's been a few days. I would've updated it after I updated the slash version but internet decided to break and not in the right frame of mind atm. I will get back to work on it though. :)<strong>

Morgana couldn't sleep that night. The image of Merlin squirming while she was trying to tend to him was etched on the forefront of her mind. Sitting up, she looked over to where Arthur was lying. He had his head resting on his elbows and he was watching something that Morgana couldn't see. Morgana heaved a sigh and got up. She walked over to her brother and as she got closer she could see the thing he was watching was Merlin. He was curled up in a ball fast asleep. Arthur's cape was acting as a blanket, not that he needed one. The bandages should act well enough to keep him warm. Arthur turned round when she was a couple of feet away and gave a watery smile. His eyes were red and puffy from crying. Seeing Merlin so hurt had got to him. There were still tears streaking down his face. Morgana smiled and laid down next to him before she enveloped her brother in a hug. Arthur clung tightly to her and cried into her shoulder. All Morgana could do was stroke his back and let him get his emotion out just like she use to when they were younger and he needed someone to just be there.

Leon was on guard that night and he saw the siblings interaction. Growing up with Arthur, Leon knew that Morgana had been the only one to see Arthur as he is now. Morgana was the only one he could trust. He turned his back on them. He knew Arthur would like the privacy. His mind mulled over the events today. Finding the hut and finding Merlin took up a lot of adrenaline. Seeing Merlin having the bandages put on meant everyone saw the abuse he'd received. He'd been tortured in ways that not even most Knights could handle. Leon could tell that Merlin didn't even like Arthur touching him, that he was scared. It just showed the extent of the damage. It won't just be physical scars he'd be left with, he'd have emotional scars as well. Leon sighed. Merlin didn't deserve this, no-one did. Merlin was lively, kind, honourable, far more honourable then some Knights he'd come across. How can someone purposefully hurt people like that? There are some humans that Leon will never understand. He looked back over at the royals and noticed Arthur's chest wasn't heaving as much but it was still irregular which meant he was still crying just not as much. All Arthur wanted was Merlin back but now he is, the situation is just as bad. It will take a while to get Merlin back on track but also the Prince. Leon decided to go see Michael and find out the full extent before Gwaine comes and takes over for the rest of the night.

"Wake up!" Leon commanded, kicking the servant. He jerked awake and glared at Leon.

"What did you do that for?" he snarled.

"It's the least you deserve." Leon said that was so out of character for the normally reasonable Knight. "What happened to Merlin?"

"You blind? It looks pretty obvious to me." Michael smirked but was quickly wiped off after Leon punched the tied up servant.

"What exactly happened?"

"Whipped, tortured, put some acid onto cuts, more whipping and my master raped him. It's fun." Michael said, not bothered at all that this was the abuse of a man he was talking about. Leon was taken aback. He glared at the servant then gave him another punch before leaving him. He'll tell Morgana in the morning what has happened. He doubts Merlin will be talking anytime soon.

Gwaine took over from Leon earlier then planned. He hadn't slept and wasn't going to anytime soon. Merlin's injuries were on replay on his mind. The shock of it all is too much to fully comprehend at the moment and Gwaine knew it will take a while for everyone to come to terms with having Merlin back but also how much he's suffered through. He's seen slaves when travelling Albion and some, in fact scratch that, most of them were in better condition that what his friend is. He would be surprised if Merlin will ever be the same again and that's looking 50 odd years into the future. He saw Arthur sleeping curled up in Morgana's arms. He looked like he'd been crying. He probably has. The drunks heart goes out to the blonde. This must be really tough on him. Yes Merlin allowed him to hold him but as soon as he could, the warlock had curled up somewhere far from everyone. He's going to need more help then any of the others. Possibly even more then Merlin. They're both emotionally torn but in different ways. Merlin will probably show vulnerability later on but Arthur will feel like he has to be strong to help Merlin. Hell, he thought he had to be strong when looking for Merlin as to not upset the others. Gwaine looked past the two siblings and saw Merlin curled up, asleep. He looks so vulnerable. He sighed. It's going to be a long recovery.

**A/N you like? If you do then you know what to do ;) Now. Who watched NTA's last night? Soooo happy spotting the cast but sad that they didn't win. :( Whatever my brother says, I did not go absolutly mental figuring out that Richard Wilson(Gaius) was presenting an award. I did not keep clapping my hands smiling like Merlin and rolling back and forwards. Na-ha, not at all. ;) Who am I kidding? I LOVE GAIUS!**


	10. Morning After

**A/N Hey. This has been written for a while but I want to have at least one chapter written before posting another, if ya get me?  
>Disclaimer: don't own.<strong>

When Merlin opened his eyes it was to see a dim light. He immediately tensed up thinking that it was Walden coming for a beating and had a candle. It was then that he realised he was lying on the ground but not the cells ground. He sat up and hissed as it stretched the wounds along his body. He looked around and saw trees surrounding him and the dim light was actually the beginning of dawn. He looked around and saw the Knights sleeping around the ashes that was the fire from last night. Looking over his shoulder he saw Morgana asleep holding Arthur. He kept on staring and realised he didn't look good. He must've been crying last night. Why else would he be clinging onto Morgana? The events of yesterday came back clear as daylight. The sounds of the fight, Arthur collecting him and Morgana cleaning his wounds. He realised Gaius must have taught her a few tricks. He let a smile creep onto his face thinking of his father figure. It suddenly fell as he thought about what Gaius would say seeing him again. He doesn't want to upset Gaius. He looked back over to Arthur. It's bad enough hurting him. Thinking about it, could Merlin actually return to life at Camelot? Walden's words echoed through his mind again; _No-one would want someone like you, you weak fool. Who could actually love someone like you? _Merlin could feel tears pricking at his eyes. He furiously blinked them away but the truth is, Walden's right. Who would? He curled back up on the ground and just watched the sunrise. How can he be the most powerful warlock when he couldn't even protect himself? He let the tears roll down his face.

Arthur stirred and opened his eyes, blinking at the sudden light. It must be early hours of the morning as the sun wasn't very high up. He looked up and saw Morgana sleeping peacefully next to him. He remembered last night and smiled. He can count on Morgana for comfort, he always has. His father had never been there to comfort him from nightmares or when he got hurt. He just told him to man up. Comparing his father from then to now, Arthur couldn't help but smile. He'd never thought he'd have the father he has now. That's all thanks to Merlin. Arthur whipped his hand round to stare at Merlin's figure. A tidal wave of guilt crashed through the Prince as he remembered that he could've had Merlin home a month ago. How could he have been so stupid? Will Merlin forgive him for it? He can only hope. Even if Merlin does, Arthur doesn't believe he'll ever forgive himself. He just stared at Merlin for a good ten minutes before he felt Morgana stir next to him. He sat up and allowed her to stretch out.

Morgana woke up feeling awfully comfy. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Arthur sitting up. She remembered last night and how broken Arthur was. She smiled at him and she got a tight one in return. She sighed and ran her fingers through his hair. He was always comforted by someone playing with his hair. Arthur leaned into the touch and looked back at Merlin. Morgana followed his gaze and she looked at the raven haired man herself. He looked like he was still sleeping. He needs the rest. She doubts he got any back at the hut. Rest will also help him regain some strength. When he wakes up Morgana will tend to his wounds and then they can set off. She told Arthur the plan and all she got was a nod; he was still staring at Merlin. She got up and went to wake the Knights and told them the plan. All the while Arthur was still staring at his best friend; he was so close yet so far away.

**A/N I asked this a couple of chapters ago but I'm asking again; who do you feel more sorry for? Like always, I love reviews but they could cheer me up for two reasons. 1) I'm not tha well. 2) family problems that I really don't wanna get into. :)**


	11. Noon, the Day After

**A/N Update! It actually wasn't a long a iI thought it was since I last updated. :P Anywaaaay, short chapter BUT it's starting to get longer. These are the thoughts of Percival, Elyan and Lancelot since they're the last ones to have thoughts from. :D Enjoy!**

It was noon the day after the rescue and Percival was readying the horses. His body was going through the routines but his mind was elsewhere. Merlin had been just as difficult getting his treatment today then he was last night. The strong Knight had helped keep him down today so Morgana could replace his bandages with clean ones. The scene was just as heartbreaking. Percival thought seeing his village destroyed by Cenred a year before his reign had come to an end was the worse scene he'd ever witness. How wrong he was. He might've lost his parents in the destruction but they had a lucky escape; they had died - Merlin is suffering. Percival finished what he was doing and went back to the clearing where everyone was waiting.

Elyan was playing with leaves. Pick one up, tear it in half, tear it into quarters and as many times as he can and then drop the pieces. Pick another up, tear it into half, tear it into quarters and as many times as he can then drop the pieces. This continued. It was a nervous habit he'd picked up on his many travels. The atmosphere within the group was tense. He'd never experienced something so tense before. He looked up when he saw Percival appearing and breathed a sigh of relief as it meant they can mount their horses and start heading home. Everyone else seemed to think the same as the atmosphere became less tense. He picked up his sword and started walking towards the horses. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Arthur approach Merlin who flinched and seemed to shrink back. Elyan couldn't see his face but he could imagine the hurt that would be in the blonde's eyes. He must've reassured Merlin as the warlock tenderly stood up. Elyan reached his horse and no longer focused on the couple.

Lancelot saw Percival appear on the other side of the clearing indicating that the horses were ready to set off. While gathering his stuff he saw the Prince approach Merlin. The ignoble Knight gave a small, reassuring smile to the Prince but he was too focused on Merlin to see. Lancelot watched the scene unfold discreetly. He saw Merlin's shoulders tense as Arthur approached and saw the flicker of hurt cross Arthur's face. Lancelot felt for the Prince. He saw Arthur's lips move and the Knight imagined that he said something along the lines of 'the horses are ready to go. I'll keep you safe.' Merlin responded to the words and he appeared less tense and slowly got to his feet. Arthur offered a helping hand but Merlin just walked away staying a good few feet away from anyone. Arthur stayed behind for a few seconds, hurt covering his face before he followed the warlock. Lancelot sighed. This was suppose to be a happy time but it's the complete opposite. Arthur is getting hurt all over again and Lancelot was scared of what could happen in case it got too much for the Prince to handle. He followed his companions and mounted his own black steed. They set off on a gentle pace so it wouldn't aggravate Merlin too much who was riding Gwaine's stallion, Arthur close by on his right so he could catch Merlin if he fell. Gwaine was doubling up with Percival to Merlin's left so they can also catch Merlin if need be. Morgana and Leon were at the front while Lancelot and Elyan took up the rear. It's going to be a long journey home and an even longer journey to recovery.

**A/N It gets happier in the next chapter. YAAAAAY buuuut it won't last long if my muse has anything to say in the matter ;) I'm having trouble filling in these chapters as I jsut want to get started on the next bloomin plotline! I'm slowly getting there though. Had a massive laughing fit today doing math with my tutor. Ahhh it's fun :') OHHHH I'm starting to write PROPER stories not fanfiction ones but actually make-up-your-own stories that I'd probably send to publishers :O That will be fun. A 14 year old professional author ;) I jsut want some money. Wrote first chapter of one. It's actually quite a good storyline. So yeah. If I need to keep you updated, I will. Now I'll shut up and write THIS story. :D Reviews are love and I appreciate every single one.**


	12. Recovering?

**A/N Helllllo :) Sorry for the long wait. I haven't been well, Grandad's died beginning of the month and my laptop charger died so my laptop is usually in a coma which means I haven't had oppurtunities to write. I steal my brothers charger whenever he's out but then he'll take it back as soon as he's in. :/ Anyway! Here's chapter 12 and I'm sorry I updated the Slash version and not this one but my laptop died. :/ Anyway, chapter 13 is finished along with half of 14 so it might not be too long before the next update yet I said that for the Slash version. :)**

It was a quiet ride. Thankfully there were no diversions to stall them. On Merlin's first horse ride in two months, his first taste of freedom in two months, then that will be the last thing they need. They rode through the woods for about two hours before Merlin started fidgeting. Arthur started fidgeting himself at the same time. It was uncomfortable for both of them because of the injuries they'd received. Merlin's injuries are easy to know what had caused them but Arthur's is still a mystery. Morgana had spotted the gashes across his back last night and questioned him about it. He told her he didn't know which made Morgana more confused. Why was he receiving them? They did look somewhat familiar but with the turmoil everyone's had emotionally, she put it down to the fact she's seen a few people flogged and it looked similar to that. Arthur didn't question it. She needed to focus on Merlin. That's everyone's priority. If they don't know that then Arthur needs to have a serious conversation with them. Merlin's fidgeting got worse at the same time Arthur's did. If anyone thought it was weird then no-one brought it up. "Do you want to stop here? It looks pretty decent." Morgana spoke up, stopping her horse and looking over her shoulder to the vulnerable couple. Arthur looked at Merlin who had a blank expression on his face that was looking downwards. Arthur knew him well enough to know that he was in pain though. He looked back at Morgana and nodded once. His own injuries were beginning to bother him. "Alright then. Everyone, we're going to camp here. Should be alright for the night."

The Knights dismounted and tied their horses up at the nearest tree and Arthur and Morgana did the same before going over to help Merlin who was having trouble at dismounting. He tensed up at their approach but he didn't do anything else. Arthur got Merlin down and walked him over to where the camp was being set up while Morgana tied up the horse. Merlin was very tense at Arthur's closeness but he let himself be led over to the edge of the camp. Arthur knows that's where Merlin is more comfortable. Merlin sat down but he winced at the pain. When Arthur knelt down he held back his own wince as pain shot through his body. He helped Merlin get more comfortable and Merlin slowly loosened up. Once Merlin had a blanket round him he curled up in a ball. Arthur let out a low sigh and went to get medical supplies. Percival was on guard, Elyan, Gwaine and Lancelot were out collecting firewood and Leon was on the other end of the camp keeping guard while Morgana was putting up her own magical boundaries.

When Arthur left, Merlin raised his eyes and watched Arthur walk. He noticed Arthur had a slight limp to his walk which confused him. What's happened? He's also noticed in the past day that he's lost weight since Merlin had been taking captive. His face was sunken and sleep deprived. He looked sick. His muscles were a lot more visible. He'd gained more which makes Merlin think that he'd been fighting an awful lot. Fighting for Merlin? Merlin shook the thought out of his head as Walden's taunts echoed around his mind. Of course it wouldn't be for him. Maybe he's had challenges or tournaments. That always builds his strength up. He lowered his eyes as Arthur returned with the bag of medical supplies along with Morgana in tow. He immediately tensed up. Having the treatment is almost as painful as receiving the injuries. "It's alright Merlin. Get them on and then they'll make it less painful. Here, drink this. It will help numb you." Arthur tried soothing him while kneeling down beside his friend. Merlin did as he was told and a couple of minutes later he could feel the affects taking over and he slowly let himself loosen up so they could get started on changing his bandages. While Morgana worked, Arthur kept up the soothing words and when Merlin wasn't that tense he risked running his fingers through Merlin's hair. Merlin tensed at the touch but when he realised what was happening, he relaxed into the touch and his lip curled up slightly as if he was trying to smile. Arthur smiled. Maybe it wouldn't take that long for him to let Arthur in. Morgana seeing the scene unfold smiled. She quickly finished the treatment and went to put the stuff away leaving the two 'brothers' on their own. Arthur just kept running his fingers through Merlin's hair for a good hour before he heard the sound of Merlin snoring. Arthur let a low chuckle out and couldn't help the smile that grew across his face. Merlin had fallen asleep in Arthur's arms. He looked around the group and he could tell that they had seen what was happening as they all had smiles of their own. Arthur didn't care. Morgana, seeing Arthur watching, came over to him. "How are you?" she asked kneeling down next to him.

"Happy." Arthur replied, still running his fingers through Merlin's hair.

"I figured." Morgana said with a small giggle. "I mean how are you feeling physically?" Arthur thought for a moment.

"I'm aching but it isn't sore. I can handle it like this. Thanks though." Arthur said.

"Alright. You need me, you know to ask." Morgana said and got up and left to check on the deer Leon had caught that was roasting over the fire. Arthur looked back at Merlin's sleeping face. The warlock looked so peaceful. It has been two days since he'd been rescued and he fell asleep in Arthur's arms. Maybe it won't be so bad? That was the thought that Arthur fell asleep to. The group looked over at the sleeping couple and smiled. Maybe things are already on the up?

**A/N Is that a chorus of 'awww' I hear? Well it won't last long. Telling ya that now! Don't kill me! *ducks under a table!* OH! Did I mention the fact that Eoin (Gwaine) RT'd me, followed me AND tweeted me three times on twitter? Yeah, just thought I'd let you know. Serious down-to-earth guy and because of that I have even more respect for him as a person 3**


	13. One Step Forward, Two steps Back

*****WARNINGS*** slight suicial thoughts. And guessing game at the bottom of the page to win dedication OR story written. ;)**

Merlin woke just as the sun was rising and his first thought was that he was lying on something rather comfy. He hadn't felt so relaxed in a long time. He snuggled further into the rather comfortable ground and it was then that he realised it was rising and falling in a steady pattern. Merlin's eyes flew open and he jumped backwards, knocking the ground in his fear. When he looked back, he saw that it wasn't ground that he had been lying on but Arthur. Merlin looked into the blondes eyes and felt a pang of guilt as he saw the hurt in them. Merlin turned away. It was too much to deal with.

Arthur, who had woken when Merlin's foot collided with his leg, felt like crying. There he was last night falling asleep with Merlin cuddled into him only to take two steps backwards as Merlin rejected him. Arthur turned away to try and get a hold on his emotions. Once he knew he wasn't going to cry, the Prince stood up to go wake the others. They want to set off as soon as possible today. If they were travelling at a normal pace, they would make it home by mid-afternoon but as they are taking it easy, the aim is to arrive tomorrow. Merlin, who heard Arthur get up, looked over his shoulder to watch the blonde. He hated himself for causing hurt for Arthur but what was he suppose to do? Knowing that he slept with Arthur cuddling him made him happy but Walden has destroyed him and he doesn't want to hurt Arthur anymore. He doesn't want to be hurt anymore. Somewhere deep inside him, he knows that Arthur won't hurt him but Walden has still got a hold on him even dead. The warlock sighs and stands up on unsteady legs. He has regained some strength and the pain isn't that bad. His magic has returned to him and is speeding up what would've been a painful and slow recovery. The minor injuries have disappeared because of the magic. It's just the major ones that need treated. He gingerly takes steps towards the group huddled around the ashes that is the only remains of last nights campfire.

Everyone looked up as they saw Merlin heading towards them. Seeing the nervous expression of their friends face, they smiled reassuringly. Merlin gave a timid, tight smile in return that in its own right is a massive step forwards. Merlin sat near Lancelot and Morgana but still slightly out of the group. Arthur, who was sat on the other end of the camp stood up and walked towards the horses. His emotions are getting too much to bare at the moment. He needs to be on his own. Everyone watched the Prince leave including the warlock. There's the pang of guilt again. Merlin knows he is the cause of Arthur's pain but he's too scared to do anything about it. Everyone looked down at their food. Merlin wouldn't like being looked at and Arthur obviously wants to be alone. Slowly they split up to get their things sorted. No-one was speaking. What's happened since last night? Everyone had been so hopeful seeing Merlin cuddled into Arthur. Was it too much too soon? The chances of Arthur and Merlin making it through this and regaining their brotherly bond is becoming increasingly slimmer. Merlin watched everyone leave to gather their things. He watched as Lancelot packed the warlocks stuff and took the potion Morgana brought him for the pain. He went through the motions of seeing but his mind had only one thought; Arthur. Where has he got to? Merlin made a final decision and got up and went in the direction Arthur went. Everyone watched as the warlock took unsteady steps but determined ones to where the Prince had disappeared ten minutes ago. It was like watching a toddler take its first steps. Once the warlock had disappeared, the Knights and Morgana turned to look at each other. As one, they shrugged and went back to what they were doing.

Arthur was sitting by the stream of water just staring at his own reflection. He doesn't know how long he had been sitting there for but he knew someone would come see him. He rubbed his bloodshot eyes trying to make a dam for the stream of tears making it's way down the sunken cheeks. He heard something approach him. It sounded like footsteps so he just stayed still. It was probably Morgana or one of the Knights coming to check up on him. He just closed his eyes and willed himself to compose himself. He heard them sit down next to him. When they said nothing, Arthur inched one of his eyelids open to look at them. When he did, he gasped at the sight. It was Merlin and he was looking at the Prince. Arthur quickly rubbed his eyes and turned away. Merlin saw the state Arthur was in and could tell he had been crying. He gingerly lifted a hand and touched the blondes arm. He heard Arthur's breath get caught in his throat at the touch. Merlin allowed himself a low chuckle. Arthur, hearing the sound turned his head so he was facing Merlin. He smiled seeing the smile reflected on the raven-heads face. They looked into each others eyes, really looked. Reflected in both pairs of blue orbs were nervousness, happiness, fear and love. Merlin lifted his other hand and softly brushed a stray tear from Arthur's cheek. His hand was shaking at how close he was but he didn't want Arthur hurting. Arthur leaned into the touch and lifted his own hand and brushed a finger over Merlin's cheek. The Warlock tensed but seeing the love radiating from Arthur's eyes, he relaxed and allowed it. They just stayed like that for a few minutes, neither moving, neither daring to break the moment. "I've been so worried about you. Been so scared." Arthur murmured. Merlin lowered his eyes. He couldn't help it. He could hear the sincerity in Arthur's tone, he could see it shining in his eyes but…Walden. Walden is there in his head telling him how Arthur won't lcare for him anymore, Arthur won't want him, Arthur will send him away, Arthur has the Knights for brothers. Merlin snatched his hands back and stood up. He walked back to camp. It's about time they set off. Arthur was left staring after Merlin not knowing what had happened. They were making progress. All Arthur said was that he had been worried. How could that upset Merlin? He let out a snarl and threw a stone into the river. When is this nightmare going to end? He trudged back to camp.

The Knights were all ready to go but they didn't dare go get the horses as they didn't know what was going on between Arthur and Merlin. They didn't want to disturb them if they were making progress. They heard leaves crunching and turned to see Merlin coming back into the clearing. He looked like he was thinking and was on the verge of tears. He blanked everyone as they sat waiting for Arthur. Five minutes later Arthur appeared looking worse then usual. He walked over and picked up his own stuff and went back to the horses. Morgana followed first and was then followed by everyone else. When they were on the horses and had set off, Morgana trotted up to where Arthur was leading the group. "What's happened?" she asked so that only Arthur could hear. Arthur just shook his head, not wanting to talk about it. Morgana sighed. "Arthur?" she said, slightly exasperated and slightly reassuring. Arthur looked at her and said "None of your business." He then looked back in front.

"Arthur." Morgana said again.

"Stay out of it will ya? I don't want to talk about it. Get it into your thick skull." Arthur snarled that was so out of character that Morgana listened. The ride was tense that not even Gwaine was talking. Arthur and Merlin were so caught up in their thoughts that neither noticed when their injuries started to become uncomfortable. It was only when the pain started to become agonising that they noticed. They let out gasps of pain at the same time making everyone look at them with worry.

Arthur looked around and brought his horse to a halt. "We'll camp here. We should make it to Camelot tomorrow." was all he said before dismounting. They had been riding for about five hours with only short breaks for the horses to get a drink. Once everyone got settled, Morgana went over to Arthur with her bag of supplies. "Let's have a look." she said. Arthur, not in the mood to argue, obliged. Morgana got to work on changing the bandages on his back. "They're getting better." Morgana stated. Arthur just grunted in response. "Breeches off." Morgana said once she was finished on his back. Arthur, lost in his own thought, stared shocked at her words. "So I can check you're healing alright." Morgana said.

"Oh. Right." Arthur said, taking his breeches off. It still doesn't make this any less embarrassing or wrong. Arthur tried to ignore the prodding Morgana was doing or the shooting pains going up his spine. Soon, Morgana was done. "I've applied another healing salve. It still isn't completely healed but it's getting there." she explained. Arthur just nodded while pulling his breeches back on. "What happened earlier, with you and Merlin?" she asked gently.

"Doesn't matter." Arthur mumbled. Morgana sighed.

"Fine, don't tell me but Arthur, I'm always here for you. It's not healthy keeping things bottled up, bare that in mind. You can talk to me." With that, she left to go check on Merlin. Arthur sighed and curled up into a ball. He just wanted to sleep, possibly forever.

**A/N Poor Arthur. They're making progress and then BAM it's shoved in his face. They make more progress and then BAMBAM it's shoved in his face AGAIN! :'( Now then, whho do you feel sorry for the most now? ;P Leave it in a review ;) OH and these past couple of chapters seem slashy to me with the mixed emotions. I don't know about you guys but because I'm editing this from the slash version, I dunno whether it seems that way because of it or not. BUT I suppose if you looked at someone as a younger brother or older one, you would no doubt be like that with them. So just explaining that. :P**

**Guessing game tiiiiime (yeah I'm gonna do one!) Who says this in the next chapter: 'I'm hurting you, am hurting you still.' Whoever gets in correct I will either, dedicate the next chapter for you OR write a story of your choice (gotta be in the Merlin fandom though) Bear in mind it might be a while for me to write it but it will be wrote I PROMISE! So, your choice. Just leave it in a review and tell me your answer and which one you'd like; dedication or story. :D**


	14. Improvement

**A/N Sorrrrry. Late chapter I know BUT, you guys will get chapter 15 within a couple of days then I'll get back to updating the same chapter for this and slash at the same time :D I love this chapter though. Probably not the best written but it's a happy chapter :D I don't think anyone guessed for this chapter the line I gave out - I hurt you, am hurting you still. If you did then let me know and I'll give you a shoutout anyone because of how long you've had to wait ;)  
>*WARNING* Unbelievable happiness (i think)<br>Disclaimer:don't own**

Arthur didn't get much sleep that night. He'd be lucky if he got three hours. By the time everyone was rising, Arthur had already been awake for a good hour. He got up looking and feeling like a zombie. Everyone gave him sympathy smiles. Arthur just ignored them. He didn't want their sympathy. He sat down and ate whatever Morgana placed in his hands. He didn't really take notice. It seemed like porridge though. Someone else who didn't get much sleep was staring at the Prince from the opposite side of the campfire. Merlin looked just as bad as his friend. He had been lying awake wondering what to do as he listened to Arthur tossing and turning all night. When he heard Arthur trying to muffle his crying, he knew that he needed to make an effort. Ignoring Arthur and listening to Walden will be the death of both, Arthur and Merlin. Thinking about it, Merlin wonders whether that had been Walden's intended goal. Arthur, feeling someone staring intensely at him looked up to meet Merlin's tired eyes. The warlock gave a smile at the Prince. Arthur returned it, somewhat reluctantly and then looked back down at his bowl. It was too painful. Merlin sighed. Because of Merlin's new insecurities, there's a massive barrier between him and the one person he needs. Merlin was going to go over to Arthur but Morgana chose that moment to speak. "Hopefully we'll reach Camelot today. That's our aim anyway. The sooner we set off the better I say." Morgana was trying to be more normal, trying to lighten the atmosphere. It didn't work so well but she still got half-hearted responses from the Knights. Arthur and Merlin just nodded.

When they set off for Camelot, Merlin rode up so that he was riding alongside Arthur. Arthur stared forward concentrating on the path in front of them. Merlin made a tentative hand rest on Arthur's thigh. Arthur's breath hitched and he glanced to the side to see Merlin looking in front but glancing at Arthur every few seconds. Meeting the blondes curious but hurt-filled eyes Merlin gave a smile that wasn't forced. Arthur returned it before turning back to the path in front of them. He didn't look at Merlin again but the warlocks hand remained on the Prince's thigh. This isn't want Merlin wanted though. Taking a deep breath, Merlin did something that scared him so much. "Arthur?" Arthur whipped his head round to the croaky and tentative voice. "Merlin? You spoke." Arthur gasped. Merlin smiled and nodded. The old Merlin wanted to give a sarcastic remark to the obvious statement Arthur made. Arthur must have sensed this as he grinned and shook his head muttering "I know. Obvious." Merlin laughed, care-free laughter even if it was quiet. "I'm sorry." Merlin mumbled, just enough for Arthur to hear. The Prince stared at Merlin confused. "Why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I hurt you, am hurting you still." Merlin explained in a hoarse voice, not meeting Arthur's eyes.

"Merlin, look at me." Arthur said in a gentle but firm tone. Merlin did as he was told and looked into the blue orbs that were Arthur's eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I admit, I was hurt when you were taken but it was nothing you wanted, you didn't go of your own accord. Do not blame yourself for what has happened. Do you understand me?" Arthur's eyes were swimming with concern but determination. His voice was serious and Merlin couldn't help but nod at his words. He knew Arthur was telling the truth. "Good. Now, we need to focus on you, not me. It's good to hear you speak as well but I won't pressure you into anything if you don't want to."

"I know. You're always the gentleprat aren't you?" Merlin said taking a chance at teasing. Calling Arthur a prat still seems like the normal thing to do, it feels like coming home and Merlin likes it, he needs it.

"Idiot." Arthur said, fondly. Merlin tensed at the word. Walden took delight in insulting him but then he took in the tone in which Arthur had said it and compared it to Walden. Walden sneered the insults along with a beating, Arthur said it with fondness lacing the word. Merlin relaxed and gave Arthur a smile. It didn't reach his eyes but it was genuine and Arthur gave him one back. "What will happen...when we get home?" Merlin asked wearily. It has been bothering him for a while now and the closer to home they got, the more anxious he gets. Arthur looked over and the anxiety seemed to be showing in his face as Arthur smiled softly at the warlock before answering so quietly it was almost a whisper. "We'll take you to Gaius so you can have proper treatment and then I imagine you'll rest. You won't have to face crowds of people if you don't feel up to it and it will be the same if you don't want to be left along. Don't worry though, I'll look after you." Merlin smiled but he couldn't help the somersaults his stomach was making.

He trusts Arthur with his life, he loves Arthur with his soul, he's the brother he never had and it breaks his heart when he sees hurt in the Prince's face yet deep down, Merlin can't help but resent him. Walden said a lot of hurtful things like how Arthur would move onto a better servant, one without stupid ears but he also said that if it wasn't for Arthur being so skilled with a sword, Walden wouldn't have had to cheat and then, if Merlin hadn't stuck his nose in, Walden wouldn't have been banished and forced to retaliate. When it boils down to it, in some twisted way, this is all Arthur's fault and that makes Merlin want to vomit. Merlin removes his hand from Arthur's thigh, where it had still been laying, as if it had been burned. This earned Merlin a confused look from the blonde. Merlin just looked forward at the path and rode slightly away from Arthur. He knew Arthur was hurt and knew it wasn't Arthur's fault but at this moment in time, Merlin can't help but feel upset and blame him for what has happened. Arthur looked away confused. Was it something he'd said or was it just nerves at talking about Camelot Arthur shook his head and concentrated on the path. Hopefully they'll be home. Behind them, Morgana stared confused at the interaction that had taken place. She can't help but feel she's overlooking something, something important, something that her instincts say is life or death important.

**A/N Ok, I forgot about this last papragraph. I forgot I'd wrote it. Oh well MERLIN SPOKE! :D The plot is really rolling now. Merlin spoke (YAY) they're almost in Camelot, Morgana is suspicious about something and Merlin can't help but feel hatred towards Arthur for his capture. Now, because of all the glorious stuff this chapter holds and because it uses some great words, I feel it deserves more reviews ;) How about a deal: review and you can have a dedication and drabble written for you OR I kill Gaius. Your choice. ;) No I wouldn't dare do a thing. I love Gaius. Gaius is a legend. Noooo, I'll do the impossible and kill Leon instead. ;) Don't make me do it because then you'll be held responsible for either my brother killing me or me killing myself. :P I love Leon. I know, review and I'll kill Michael in chapter 16 or 17. I'm writing 16 now! ;) You're lucky, I din't ask the slash readers about Michael. ;) hehe.**


	15. Home Sweet Home

**A/N Heeeey. :D Yeah, there's an update after a week or two ;) Chapter 15 people and I ahve put a plan out for this story now so there is 9 chapters after this including epilogue. woo. :D Anyway, longest chapter I've wrote to date. ENJOY!  
>**WARNING** One swear word, mention of rape (Merlin's), and I think that's it.<strong>

The sun was just starting to go down when the first of the castle's turrets came into sight. They paused on the hill that overlooks the castle just to stare down at the quiet market town that leads to the castle's courtyard. Taking a sideways glance at Merlin, Arthur takes note of Merlin's pale, expressionless face. Looking harder, Arthur notices that his jaw is set to an almost painful amount. He was staring at the castle but taking into account his face and his knuckles that are white from his death grip on the horses reigns, Arthur knew that if Merlin were to look at Arthur, Arthur would see fear in those blue orbs. Arthur put his horse into a gentle walk so he can be next to Merlin. Merlin, worrying so much, didn't notice Arthur approach him until he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Merlin startled at the touch but calmed when seeing Arthur. "Hey, hey Merlin. It's alright. I'm here. It's really quiet so we can get you through the market and then we'll take you through the back corridors of the castle. Yeah?" Arthur reassured Merlin. The warlock just took a couple of deep breaths before nodding. Arthur smiled at him but Merlin just gave him a quick, small one in return. Arthur put it down to nerves although, he still hasn't been right towards the Prince since he shied away earlier. Shaking his head, Arthur led his horse forward and the rest of the group took it as a cue to move forward.

Merlin got more nervous the closer the got to the market and by the time they entered the market, he was shaking like a leaf. Arthur looked at Morgana and, reading his expression properly, she led the Knights to the castle while Arthur held back until Merlin was next to him. "Hey." he mumbled quietly. Merlin looked at him with wide eyes. "We're home. Come on. You're safe now. Calm down, yeah?" Merlin nodded and took a couple of deep, soothing breaths that helped to some degree. "Good. Now come on. Before you know it, we'll be in Gaius' chambers. He'll help you without judging. You know that. We might actually see him jump when he sees you which will be the first time since who-knows-when." Merlin allowed a quiet chuckle to escape him. He smiled at Arthur and Arthur returned it. "Come on." Arthur nudged his horse to move forward again and Merlin's automatically followed. They arrived in the castle's courtyard side by side where the rest of the rescue group were waiting. Arthur dismounted and him and Lancelot helped Merlin down while the rest made sure no-one could see. Once he was down, Merlin allowed Arthur to act as a walking stick for him. Spotting Leon and Percival holding Michael, Arthur felt his anger grow in his stomach at the sight of the servant. "Chuck him in the dungeon and chain him up. Make sure no-one gives him anything. We'll see how he likes it." Nodding their heads in confirmation, they flashed quick grins at Merlin and said they'll see them later, they set off, dragging and pushing Michael with them. With one arm around Merlin, Arthur and the group set off to Gaius'. True to his word, Arthur led them through the back corridors and, thankfully saw no-one along the way.

Within five minutes, they were outside the Court Physician's chambers. "Wait." Arthur said just as Morgana went to open the door. Looking back at her brother, she was about to ask why but it died on her tongue as she saw Merlin. His face had gone deadly pale and unshed tears were shining in his eyes making them look so vulnerable yet mysterious in the torch lit corridor. He was visibly shaking and making a feeble attempt at escaping Arthur's clutches. He was shaking his head frantically and staring at the door in fright. "Merlin." Arthur was saying over and over again but Merlin wouldn't or couldn't hear in his panic attack. Morgana strode forward and stepped in front of Merlin. Grabbing hold of his arms, she angled her head so she could make eye contact with the frightened warlock. "Merlin, Merlin, stop this now. Merlin, calm down. Ssh, calm it. Merlin." She said gently but with a firmness to her tone that Arthur's failed to have. Merlin calmed enough to allow eye contact. "Good. Why are you scared? It's Gaius. He's missed you and has been worried just as much as we have. Merlin, he's like your father. Why won't you go in?" Morgana asked. Merlin just shook his head. He didn't even know why. It's just the thought of seeing him after these hellish months. Why would Gaius still care about him? Then again, these all did. Maybe he would. Gaius has helped hostages and slaves before. He knows, he's seen him care for them since arriving in Camelot. He's helped. He's saw the pity his father figure has expressed towards them. Maybe that's why he's scared. He doesn't want that pity to be directed towards him. Then again, when he was hiding his secret, saving Arthur without thanks, bringing Arthur home after a difficult battle, Gaius showed pity then. How will this be different? Merlin calmed his breathing. He'll be happy to see Gaius again and he knows Gaius would've been worried to death. Merlin looked up and smiled, an indication to enter the room. Everyone grinned back. Gwaine, who was closest to the door, opened it and held it open while everyone filed in. Morgana, who entered before Merlin and Arthur, used her magic to light the candles, that were lying in random places in their holders. Looking around for Gaius, it was Elyan who spotted him first. "Found him." Elyan whispered, pointing to where Gaius was. Everyone turned and looked around. "That's helpful." Gwaine whispered with a bit of laughter in his tone. "Well, at least he's not snoring." Lancelot said, shrugging. Everyone snickered under their breath so as to not wake the old man up. "What shall we do?" Gwaine asked. No-one wanted to wake Gaius up if he was asleep but then again, they did. They thought for a moment and then Merlin took a step forward and then another until he was beside Gaius.

He looked down into his sleeping face and brought a wobbling finger up and poked him in the chest. No response. He did it again and Gaius stirred. Blinking open weary eyes, the physician couldn't believe what he was seeing. He closed his eyes tight and opened them again. No. He wasn't imagining things. Merlin was there with a smile on his face, looking down at Gaius. Gaius shot up in his happiness but it startled Merlin who took a step back. Gaius, realising his mistake, stretched his arms open in an invitation for a hug. "Merlin, my boy. I'm so sorry for startling you. I didn't mean it. It's just…I've missed you and, well, you're back and alive." Gaius explained, tears filling his eyes. For once, it was tears of joy. Merlin, who has silent tears streaming down his own cheeks, stepped towards his father figure and allowed him to embrace the broken warlock. Rubbing his back, Gaius was making soothing sounds while trying to hold back his own tears which proved impossible. All Morgana, Arthur and the Knights could do was watch the heart-warming scene. Even Gwaine had tears running down his face.

Eventually they pulled back from the hug and just stared, Gaius with a massive grin on his face and Merlin with a small one. "What happened? Who did this?" Gaius started inquiring. Merlin's face fell at the questions. He didn't want Gaius to know nor did he want to relieve it. Arthur, seeing the way Merlin went, answered. "I think it will be safer to talk after Merlin's gone to bed." Arthur might have been speaking to Gaius but his eyes remained locked on Merlin. Merlin glanced his way and gave him a nod in thanks. Arthur gave a half smile to prove he understood. Gaius, who observed this, nodded and agreed. "What can I do then?" Gaius asked.

"Merlin's got quite a lot of injuries. His magic, once it returned, has healed the more minor wounds but he still has some awful wounds that are currently healing. We just thought it would be good if you looked at them as well." Morgana explained since it was her who was in charge of looking after Merlin's physical injuries. Gaius nodded once again and told Merlin to sit down on the bed he reserves just for patients. Merlin, looking terrified now, wouldn't move. Arthur walked towards him and placed a hand of comfort on his shoulder. Merlin looked towards him and Arthur whispered to him that he was there and wasn't going to go anywhere. Merlin, taking solace in this words inhaled deeply before walking to the bed and sitting down. Arthur followed. No matter what battles Merlin's mind is currently fighting about how he feels about Arthur, it's only the Prince that could soothe him when like this. It both annoyed him and filled him with warmth as well as making him resent the blonde more. "Right. So what type of injuries are we talking about here?" Gaius asked switching to professional.

"Well, ermm. How do I put this?" Morgana said. Gaius gave her one of his infamous eyebrows and Morgana took a deep breath before explaining. "He's been whipped a fair amount and cut but the worst is … he's been raped." Morgana announced the last bit quietly but Gaius heard. His eyes went from disbelief and shock to rage and then to sadness all within a minute. He took a deep breath knowing that his ward wouldn't like him to show him pity, knew he'd hate it. He turned back to Merlin who was looking down at his feet. "Merlin." Gaius said softly. Merlin turned his head up reluctantly and stared into his mentors face. "I'm going to need you to take your tunic off for me first so I can look at the injuries there." Merlin nodded and, with the help of Arthur and a lot of wincing, managed to get his tunic off. Gaius' breath hitched looking at the scars criss-crossing over the warlock's once perfect skin. Some were faded white but others were nearly healed or not even half healed. "Morgana, I need some salve, water and fresh bandages." Morgana obediently got what was instructed, and passed them to Gaius quietly. "Well, Morgana, from what I can see, you've done a really good job." Gaius said, giving her a smile. Morgana returned it with a sigh of relief that she never knew she was holding. She went back to stand patiently with the others as Gaius got to work.

An hour later, Gaius was done bandaging Merlin's torso and back up. "Right. That's that done. You can put a clean tunic on now. You just have to be careful not to catch the bandages. I'm not too bothered about the cuts on your arms. They're healing quite nicely. The risk of infection on them now are slim." he said smiling at Merlin. The warlock managed a tight smile. By this time there was only Arthur, Morgana, Gwaine and Lancelot remaining. Arthur tried to send them away to get rest. The two Knights remaining refused though. They wanted to make sure Merlin will be alright. Arthur gave up eventually as Merlin got weary. "Now I'm going to have to check you, you know, between your legs. We can do this in your room if you like or we can send these lot out. It's up to you. Whatever you feel comfortable with." Gaius explained feeling slightly awkward. He has seen rape before but to treat it with someone like a son, it's wrong, upsetting and awkward for both. Still, he has to do it. He has to stay professional. Merlin blushed slightly and squirmed where he was sitting leaning back on Arthur. The latter rubbed Merlin's shoulders to calm him. Merlin sighed. He looked towards his room and then back at Gaius and Arthur. "You want to go in your room?" Gaius asked. Merlin nodded once. "Okay then. Come on." Gaius walked forwards and reached his hand out for Merlin. Merlin grabbed Arthur's hand though. He did need the Prince no matter whether he wants him or not. "Do you want me to come?" Arthur whispered. Merlin nodded as confirmation. "Okay." Arthur got up along with Merlin who had the formers hand in an iron tight grasp. Arthur squeezed his in some sort of reassuring way. Just as they were going to the room, Morgana spoke up. "Do you want us to stay here or should we go?" Arthur looked between Merlin and Gaius then back to his sister. "I think we'll be fine. We'll get some guards, who can do their job, outside the door. Merlin will sleep in here and I'll stay with him. Thanks though." Arthur replied, smiling. Morgana smiled back at all three men. "Alright then. See you tomorrow. Bye Merlin. Gaius, Arthur." She then turned around and left with Gwaine and Lancelot following with tired, but nevertheless, happy grins at the physician, Prince and warlock. It was suddenly just the three males left in the chambers. "Well then. Shall we get this over with. I think you both need rest. The sooner the better. Hmm." Gaius said leading the way into the small room coming off the main chambers. Merlin looked towards Arthur before following, dragging Arthur along.

It was about midnight when Gaius and Arthur sat down and got a drink. It took a while but Merlin was finally settled in his own bed with Gaius and Arthur sitting on stools next to it. "What's the damage?" Arthur asked. Gaius looked at him.

"His insides are torn but they are healing. The worst the damage could be is slight scaring but I don't think that will happen. They're healing well. We'll just have to watch him." Gaius explained. They sat in silence for a while just watching Merlin sleep. Who could hurt someone who looks so innocent and like an angel sent from above? Arthur couldn't get his mind around it. Neither could Gaius. Suddenly Arthur broke the silence. "Will he ever get back to normal… or even close?" Gaius observed the young Prince. He's seen him grow since he was a baby. He's always been close to him. The Prince has been through so much in his short life and now the one who he loves and protects like a brother has been tortured beyond belief, it will be hard for even a middle-aged man to cope with. He knows that Arthur will not allow lying in this instance though. He wants the truth. Gaius sighs. It will be hard for even the physician to say the words - Merlin is the son he's never had. "No. The pain he's been through. It's traumatic. You should understand to some degree how hard it will be, You've seen and been through so much. Although this is a step higher. I don't know what the outcome will be. It's going to be a hard journey for everyone. You'll have to co-operate with him. It's going to take time and patience. A lot of time and patience. However, it seems like it's going well so far with you and him. He's relying on you but Arthur, it's going to be tough on you. If you ever need to rant or just have someone there for you, you know where I am. Even though I feel like Merlin's father, you have the harder position. I wouldn't like to be in your place. I'm always here for you though. We all are." Gaius looked into Arthur's eyes with such sincerity that Arthur was crying slightly. He furiously rubbed his eyes and nodded his head in a way some may call frantic. "Thanks." he murmured. Silence again. This time it was Gaius who broke it. "Who did this?" Arthur glanced towards him and saw for the first time, how much this affects the aging man. "Walden was the mastermind." Arthur admitted with such distaste. Gaius audibly gasped. Walden! "I hope he hasn't got away. The sick psycho!" Arthur was shocked at Gaius' rant. He's never once heard him call anyone names like that. He's heard him shout, he's been on the receiving end, but never once has Gaius used such insults. He's usually a calm person. Arthur didn't even know he was capable of such words. It proves once again how much this has affected Gaius. "He's dead." Arthur replied.

"Let's hope God doesn't grant mercy on his soul. He deserves to suffer for all eternity," Gaius announced just staring at Merlin with eyes that could kill the next person who crosses him. "Was it just him then?"

"No. Michael, his servant, helped and took part. He's currently in the dungeons. Chained up and no food or water." Arthur replied. He once again felt the anger crawling around inside him thinking of the two bastards who have done this. He will make sure Michael pays big time. Gaius seemed happy with the answer. The two men drifted back into silence. Arthur just sat and looked at the sleeping figure and released a yawn. Gaius noticed. "Come on. Bed. You need sleep. There are guards outside and I'm in the other room if needed. Goodnight Arthur."

"Night Gaius." The two went to where they were sleeping and settled down. Gaius in his bed in the main chambers and Arthur in the chair next to Merlin's bed. It's going to be a long few weeks, months even. Tomorrow's going to be hectic. They're home at least. That's got to mean things are now on the up, right?

**A/N Hands up. Who loves Gaius? I saw someone in a car who looked like him as Victor Meldrew. Yeah baby. ;) Anyway, we're back in Camelot now. Yipeeee. Who's happy now? ;P hehe. Oh! Guess what, guess what, guess whaaat. The new Mordred RT'd me and Eoin RT'd me AGAIN! ;) This was beginning of last month though but the Mordred was 21st. :P Anyway sleep time for me but review time for you guys. Oh! I have two more stories currently beinng written but they'll be posted after Revenge is done along with a one-shot I've written yesterday. :D Then I'll focus on the requests I have. :) I'm also going to start writing a PROPER book. Got most of it planned out and guess what It's going to be an Arthurian one although it will be sticking to the legend so no Merthur :'( It's going to be in modern times though. There's loads of ff's like that so why not have a book about it? :P Chapter 16 will be up in four days btw. Peace!  
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	16. Reunions

**A/N *Yawn* Yello people. Sorry for the late update. This chapter is loooong. 4517 words long! Nothing I've written is as long as this. I did expect a quick update but naturally it doesn't work like that! I wrote half and then I can't be bothered with my charger so I barely use it. Although! I've wrote the last half last night and since 6am this morning! :D I prefer the last half but on a whole, this is one of my fave chapters. I think I need to read the story though to remind me what's happened. :3 I've wrote a plan out and there is 8 chapters left including epilogue. So I best get on and write! Although, not right now. Now I need to get dressed cuz I'm going to a castle today :D Not Pierrefonds though, Lincoln castle. :/ If I was going Pierrefonds you'd hyear my screams in Australia! ;) Peace people!**

Uther was walking down the corridor leading to the great hall, nose stuck in some paperwork that needs to be done by this afternoon's council meeting. He vaguely noticed people walking past and bowing out of the corner of his eye. He took no notice though. "Morning Sire." he heard Leon greet.

"Yes, morning Leon." he said waving his hand idly. He walked a few steps more before realising what had happened. He froze in his tracks and back tracked. There stood Leon, Percival and Gwaine all grinning. Uther's eyebrows rose. "You're back?" Uther stated but it was more a question. They just stood as they were, mischief twinkling in their eyes. Uther's eyes widened as he realised what this meant. "You're back! Wait. Arthur, Merlin?" he asked.

"We came back last night Sire." Leon informed him.

"Merlin's currently with Gaius and Arthur in Gaius' chambers." Percival added.

"Although you have to be careful with him. He's very timid and jumpy." Gwaine announced. Uther nodded.

"We're going to see him now. You coming?" Gwaine asked. Uther just followed.

Gaius was currently trying to get some food down Merlin. It wasn't full solids and nothing heavy because Merlin wouldn't be able to stomach that at this present moment in time as he's gone so long without. He needs to start building it up again. Arthur was getting a bit more rest in Merlin's room. There was a knocking at the door and a guard popped his head round. "Yes." Gaius asked.

"Sir Leon, Sir Percival, Sir Gwaine and King Uther are here. Shall I let them in?" he asked. Gaius looked at Merlin who looked at Gaius then slowly nodded, apprehension clear on his face. Gaius looked back at the door and nodded. The guard's head disappeared and then the Knights appeared followed by the King. Gaius stood in front of Merlin shielding him from view for a moment. "Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Sire." Gaius nodded to each one of them as he addressed them. They did the same for Gaius. He might not have a title but he is highly respectable in his own right. He moved towards the four men who had just entered and whispered to them. "Gwaine, Percival, Leon, I do not fear that you will scare Merlin as you helped rescue him. You know how he is. I must ask you to be quiet for another reason, Arthur is asleep in the small room and he needs his sleep. Please do not disturb him. Sire, Merlin is very flighty. Do not make any sudden movements that will startle him. He's allowed you to see him. Please be careful." The four men nodded in unison. Gaius turned and walked back to the table and sat down. Merlin just stared nervously as he sat and then his eyes went back to the Knights and King. His eyes lingered on Uther as he is not seen him in a while. The King seems to have aged and looks tired. His eyes widened as he looked at Merlin. His breath hitched - Merlin looked so ill. Uther hoped that Arthur took care of whichever bastard, or bastards, did this to him. If not, he will make sure they get what they deserved. Although, he wouldn't put anything past Arthur when it comes to Merlin. He is Arthur's brother. All four men walked towards Merlin, the knights quicker then the King. He walked slowly as if walking towards a frightened puppy. Merlin was greeted by a chorus of whispered 'Hey Merlin' but his eyes never moved from the King. It made Uther weary but relieved at the same time. He approached the table and stood next to it. "Hey Merlin. It's good to see you back. You have no idea how worried we all were." Uther greeted. Merlin managed a timid smile at the monarch. He got one back in return. "You're safe home now though. That's all that matters." Merlin nodded in response. The thing was, Merlin wasn't sure he was safe anymore. Even here with Gaius and everyone surrounding him. He refused to let on his thoughts, it would break their hearts. Everyone drifted off into silence, no-one was sure what to say.

In the market, Gwen was looking at some stalls with dresses, wishing she had the money to buy one especially the baby blue one with a deep purple pattern on it's chest. She wandered around the rest of the stalls daydreaming about wearing it when someone knocked into her shoulder. "Oh lord, I'm sorry, I…" she drifted into silence as she noticed who she knocked into and was currently smirking at her. "How many times were you told not to daydream while walking when you were younger Gwen?"

"Elyan!" she gasped before regaining control of her limbs and throwing herself at him.

"Woah!" Elyan remarked as he got an armful of his sister. "Watch it!"

"Oh sorry, it's just…you're back!" Gwen replied blushing but grinning nevertheless.

"No I'm not back. I'm a ghost who's come back to haunt you and is solid." Elyan replied sarcastically. The grin on his face reveals that he is pleased to see his sister though.

"Shut up. When did you arrive back anyway It everyone alright and…Oh my God, Merlin! Is he here? Did you find him? Is he alright? Is he dead? Oh God he's dead! Please tell me he isn't dead!" Gwen babbled on getting into a frenzy.

"Gwen, Gwen. Guinevere!" Elyan shouted above her babbling. She stopped in her tracks at the use of her full name. Elyan dropped his voice to a whisper, casting a weary glance to the people around him, mindful that they might be eavesdropping. "Merlin's not that well. He's been tortured and abused making him timid, flighty and scared of people pretty much. Apart from that, he is healing well. And yes, he is here. We all are." Gwen released a sigh, muttering 'Thank God" under her breath while bringing a hand to clutch at her frantic heart. "Can we see him?" she asked once she got control of herself.

"I don't see why not." Elyan replied.

Gwen was just about to start walking back to the castle when Morgana appeared. "There you are. I had to get a chambermaid to prepare me this morning and bring me breakfast since you weren't there. Honestly, Gwen, neglecting your duties. I could have you fired for that." she said, trying for serious yet not attempting to keep the teasing tone out of her voice. "Morgana." Gwen cried hugging the seer. Instead of reprimanding her for informal behaviour like any other royal would, Morgana just laughed and embraced the servant just as hard. "Hello Gwen." she said as they separated. "It's good to see you as well." Gwen just blushed a crimson colour as if realising what she'd just done. This just made Morgana laugh and Elyan joined in. "Mi'lady." Elyan greeted.

"Elyan."

"We were just going to see if we could see Merlin. Will you be joining us?"

"Yes, I will." With that, the siblings and royal left laughing to the physicians chambers.

While walking to the castle, Gwen spotted a tall, dark man who was wearing Knightly clothing who seemed to be walking in the same direction. "Lancelot!" Gwen exclaimed. Lancelot stopped in his tracks and turned around face lighting up as he spotted Gwen running towards him. He met her halfway and picked her up and spun around. Once Gwen was placed on her feet. "Please. This is my baby sister!" Elyan cried. Everyone just laughed at his face that looked between desperation and disgust.

"It's Arthur's reunion with her you'll have to watch out for...or don't." Morgana said, mischeif evident in her tone and face. Elyan groaned.

"I've missed you." Gwen admitted.

"And I, you." Lancelot said, adoration plain for all to see and hear. Gwen blushed once again. "I was just heading to see Merlin." Lancelot informed them.

"So were we. Gwen can't wait." Morgana replied. Gwen blushed yet a deeper shade of red. Lancelot chuckled. Gwen met his eyes and couldn't keep the wide smile of her face. "Anyway," Elyan started. "Instead of having a public reunion with MY sister, how about we go and see Merlin before I throw up or hit one of my best mates." The four of them set off, chuckling at Elyan's threat.

Back in Gaius' chamber, The three Knights and king were making small talk about anything with Gaius and trying to involve Merlin but he still wouldn't mutter a word. The most he got involved was nodding or shaking his head. They didn't pressure him to speak though. They were in the middle of a conversation about horses when there was a knocking on the door. "Who is it?" Gaius asked. Morgana's head appeared.

"Me…and others." she replied.

"How many others?" Gaius asked.

"Three, Elyan, Lancelot and someone else." she answered smiling at Merlin and her father who was wanting to run and hug her but didn't because of Merlin. Merlin was watching the exchange through weary eyes. Seeing Gaius' questioning look and knowing he was wondering whether to let them in or not, Merlin nodded. "Come in." Gaius said to Morgana. "But be quiet, Arthur is still asleep." he added on.

"Ok. Come on guys." Morgana said. She led the way in with Lancelot following, then Elyan and Gwen. Although, they kept Gwen hidden from Merlin for a moment. "Hey Merlin." Morgana greeted, nodding at the rest and beaming like a lunatic at her father. Uther had a similar expression on his face. The two Knights greeted the rest of the group who was already seated at Gaius' small table. "There's someone who wants to see you." Morgana announced to Merlin. The three people moved aside to reveal Gwen who couldn't contain her glee at seeing everyone but couldn't hide the shock that came with seeing Merlin. She wanted to run over and hug him to death but controlled herself for two reasons. One, she felt as though she would break him in two by looking at him and two, she was warned on the way about what he'd be like. "Hi Merlin. It's good to see you." she said instead, beaming at him. Merlin himself smiled at her. She was his first friend in Camelot and his second friend in his life. She couldn't hurt a fly. The four who had just came in sat down with the rest of the group meaning there wasn't anywhere to walk around as Gaius' chambers wasn't made to hold so many people. Gaius grumbled about this muttering about having potions to make yet he made no move to get anyone out. Merlin was comfortable with their presence and it's what he needs. Small talk continued around the group and it made Merlin feel a bit more normal. He was just dreading it when Arthur wakes up.

An hour later and Arthur was starting to stir. Blinking open his eyes, it took him a moment to realise where they were. Shooting up in bed, he looked franticly around for Merlin but saw not even a hair of the warlocks. He shot out of bed, not caring that he was topless and ran down the stairs to the main chamber. He came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs as he saw the group of people staring at him, some with amused expressions and some with shocked, his father one of them. Amongst them was Merlin who looked frightened at first then looked about to laugh as he noticed it was Arthur. Realising Merlin was there and then his current state of dress, the embarrassment took over. "Hi." he said and that was all it took for the girls and Knights to start laughing. Even Uther chuckled a little while Gaius just rolled his eyes but had a grin on his face nevertheless. "Yeah, yeah. Just laugh at me. That's all everyone does." Arthur said slightly annoyed. That just made it worse. Glaring at the group, Arthur stormed back into the room and put on the clean clothes that someone had the decency to fetch him. He could still hear everyone laughing. He has to admit though, it's pretty funny even through his embarrassment. He allowed himself a small chuckle before going back out, dressed this time. "Ah. So you do know what clothes are." Uther said, seeing his son return.

"Oh ha ha. You're so funny. It knows no boundaries." Arthur replied sarcastically.

"Come here." Uther said, laughing. Arthur couldn't resist the smile that stretched his face as he ran to his father. A rare sight to see and to have ever seen. The two Pendragon men held each other while trying to hold back the tears both want to weep at the overwhelming joy. It's been a hard few months for everyone emotionally and for it all to come to an end, it was hard to hold back the emotions. They broke apart but both had similar smiles of joy and relief etched on their faces. "It's good to see you smiling again." Uther said, loud enough for only Arthur to hear, Arthur just nodded. He knows how much it had crushed his father, for everyone, to see him so lost and depressed. He went to Gwen and gave her a small but loving kiss on the lips. They stared into each others loving eyes for a moment before he turned to Merlin. "Hey Merlin. Gave me a right fright waking up and not seeing you there. Think I probably scared my father more though bounding down the stairs like a raving lunatic with no top on. Did you see his face?" Arthur said in a bubbly voice, trying to coax a bit more response out of the warlock. He got a chuckle from him yet he seemed to have tensed up a bit with Arthur's attention on him. Something Morgana and Gaius noticed yet the others failed to. They shared a quick glance between them yet thought no more. Everyone was slightly shocked at Merlin's chuckle yet kept it to themselves.

About half an hour later, Uther got up and stretched. "Well, as good as it is seeing you again Merlin and knowing you're safe, a kingdom can't run itself. You all have the day off by the way. You need to chill."

"Chill, father. Really?" Morgana asked, mockingly.

"Yes, chill. I'm down with the young." Uther said, laughter twinkling in his eye.

"Course you are." Arthur said, rolling his eyes at his father's embarrassing choice of words.

"Shut up you." Uther said in a mock-scolding tone. "I want to talk with you later though. When you want to, come and find me. Yes?"

"Yes." Arthur drawled.

"Good. Morgana you can come along to my darling."

"How come she gets asked so sweetly yet I get a command."

"Because Arthur dearest, I'm sweet which means I get the sweet tone." Morgana said in a sickly-sweet tone.

"How come people failed to notify me on the fact the Devil is sweet?" Arthur got a spoon thrown at his head for that.

"Alright! If you're going to start throwing stuff then leave, now!" Gaius said. Morgana and Arthur decided to glare instead. "That's better." Merlin, watched the exchange through terrified eyes, remembering whippings that came from far yet struck him nevertheless. Gwen noticed Merlin's state and leaned in to whisper. "Merlin." Merlin jumped but calmed just as quickly seeing that it was Gwen. "Are you alright?" Merlin shook his head almost violently. "You're fine. You're safe. It will take time but you will adjust back. No-one can hurt you anymore." Merlin nodded yet went to stare at Arthur, his thoughts far from agreeing with Gwen's words. Arthur looked at Merlin, feeling his gaze on him, and beamed. Merlin only managed a small smile. From there, the group slowly broke apart to go do their own things until Arthur, Gaius and Merlin remained. Merlin decided to go back to bed. His body reaching exhaustion quicker because he has grown so weak. Once Merlin was asleep, Arthur decided it would be a good time to go see what his father wants. He had an idea even if he didn't want to talk about it. "I'm going to see what father wants. You'll send updates won't you. I mean, it won't be long, I hope, but I do want them, if there is any." Arthur babbled.

"Yes Arthur, I will. Now go." Gaius shooed. Arthur just nodded, fierce gaze burning a hole through the door opposite him. "Arthur." Gaius said gently. Arthur whipped his head round to face him. "Are you going or not?" Arthur nodded and with a quick glance behind him, he left to find his father.

Arthur knocked on the King's door to his chambers. "Come in." came the muffled command through the thick oak. Arthur opened the door to the great room within. His chambers were similar to the Princes but was much more grand and with darker shades of colours, especially when it came to the red and gold. He went towards the dining area where Uther and Morgana were already in discussion at the table. They looked up as he approached. "Ah. Arthur you're here." Uther greeted warmly.

"I'm here." Arthur said, pulling a face and nodding.

"Sit. Morgana was just explaining how you found Merlin and his injuries." Arthur's gaze turned cold just from hearing that line. Uther noticed and placed a comforting hand on his arm. "I know it's hard. There are horrific injuries and Merlin is definitely not right but we will get through it. I promise. I'm here, Arthur. So is Morgana, so is Gaius and so are the Knights. We'll help each other but more importantly you and Merlin. I wouldn't like to be in your shoes."

"That's what Gaius said." was the strangled reply. In his head he was recounting how Merlin was found, what he looked like. He clenched his fists together tightly, trying to keep control otherwise he might just punch someone or something. If not, worse. "…Walden." Morgana's voice sliced through his violent thoughts and he whipped his head round to face his sister and father, just in time to see Uther's eyes widen and then turn murderous. "Walden did this. The Walden that I banned from the tournament?" Uther looked to Morgana for confirmation and then Arthur. They both gave it with a nod of the head. "How dare he! Where is he now?" Uther demanded.

"Dead." Arthur said, no remorse in his voice and there shall never be. Uther took a deep calming breath to calm himself. It worked until Arthur brought up more information. "His servant, Michael, helped him out and showed equal pleasure at Merlin's torture. He's currently in the dungeon, chained up and without food or water." Still his voice was lifeless as he spoke. Uther's mad gaze focused on Arthur's voice. "He's still alive?" Again a nod of the head from his children. "He shall die a painful death. Even then it's less then what he deserves. As much as you probably want him to suffer, Arthur, as much as we all do, it will more than likely have a negative affect on Merlin. That we can't afford." Uther said with control. As much as Arthur wishes Michael could suffer, his father is right so he gives a third nod of the head along with Morgana. "Is there anything else I should know?" Arthur shrugged his shoulders. He doesn't really know what Morgana told him. Morgana shook her head but Arthur noticed her eyes glance his way, if only for a second. "No." she said.

"Well, I'll let you to go. Will you be joining me for supper?"

"No. I want to get back to Merlin." Arthur said and Morgana declined as well.

"Very well. I'll see you two tomorrow. One more question, how long should we leave it before we tell everyone that Merlin has returned?" Arthur and Morgana looked at each other for a couple of minutes, having a silent discussion about it. They both seemed to reach a silent conclusion. "Everyone will probably be guessing themselves but give it a few days on Merlin's sake but make sure they know not to disturb him otherwise they'll have me, Morgana and the Knights to mess with." Arthur said.

"Don't forget Gaius and I." Uther said but agreed it will be better that way. After that, his children left his chambers with a "Goodnight.".

Outside, Morgana pulled Arthur to one side. "What are you doing?" Arthur protested rubbing his shoulder as Morgana almost yanked it out if it's socket.

"Have you told anyone about your injuries?" Morgana asked.

"No. Why would I? They're getting better anyway." Arthur said, defensively. It's not like he was lying - they were getting better.

"Alright then. If anything pops up like that again or they get worse alert me as soon as. No Arthur, listen! I feel as if I'm missing something, something important and I have this feeling that whatever it is, it's going to get worse. Just be careful." Morgana said, pleading look in her eyes and in her tone. Arthur just nodded, sincerity in his gaze. He never usually sees his sister so worried. "Thank you, Arthur. Goodnight." and she left, her shoes making noises on the stone floor as she left. Arthur stood there for a moment, going over what she said before leaving back to Gaius', not before getting some clothes for Merlin and him. Shocked gazes and whisperings followed him all the way.

All in all, the first day back was a success. Merlin didn't make any progress, he didn't really do anything but for him to not break down and actually allow himself to be part of a crowd, even if it's just his small friendship group, it was great for his state. He was more comfortable around Gaius, Morgana, Lancelot, Gwaine and Gwen. He is still comfortable around the others yet these are his best friends. He's still having an internal battle about Arthur despite not wanting the royal out of his sight and away from him. The Knight's and royal siblings couldn't be happier being back. They spent their day trying to adjust back into their old routine but really, they just wanted to sleep. Gaius, Uther and Gwen couldn't be happier to have them back along with Merlin. It felt right again even if he is but a shadow of his former self. Arthur still isn't back to his old self but the drastic change in him from just finding Merlin will please anyone to the point that they're jumping up and down for days! Yes, it went well with all things considered.

The first week was much the same. Everyone would visit Merlin, Merlin wouldn't really respond but he allowed them there. After a few days, Uther told everyone that Merlin had been found yet could not see anyone at the present moment but he is alive. The screams of happiness could be heard in Gaius' chambers, frightening the warlock until Gaius soothed him and explained that they were screams of joy at having Merlin back as he was loved by the people. He wasn't lying. It was after a few days that everyone was starting to get back to their duties. Morgana took over the Court Sorcerer role as she had done when Merlin went missing. The Knight's started to get back into training with Arthur leading them or if not, Leon. Arthur's duties had turned light. He still refused to leave Merlin but if it got too much for him or Merlin was asleep then he would attend training or council meetings for half an hour. The Knights really only trained with themselves and Arthur. The other Knights just kept staring and some even dared to ask about Merlin. Even though Arthur and the 'Round Table' Knights knew it was just a polite question, nothing to it but concern on the Knight who had asked part, they got overly-protective and just glared them away.

Towards the end of the first week, it was Michael's execution. All week he has had nothing but dirty water given to him and even then that was barely any. He has been chained up in the dark all week. The moment the sunlight hit his eyes, his eyes stung at not seeing it for a week, not seeing any light but the guards candle for a week. Standing high in the balcony was Arthur, Morgana, the Knights and Uther. All want to see him punished. The moment Arthur had laid eyes on him, his gaze turned red and, judging by the tense statures of his father, sister and close friends, their's has as well. He had took a deep inhale to regain some control. The guards below had tied Michael to the pyre where he was to burn to death before Uther had spoken to the crowds of many surrounding. Lots of citizens had came to see the execution, like usual, but this time they were here to show support for Merlin, the warlock they love. Even some druids had turned up as they normally steer clear from the executions held. "Ladies and gentlemen of Camelot." Uther had started. "This man before you is charged for severe torture and rape of Court Sorcerer and brother in every sense of the word except for biologically to Prince Arthur, Merlin. The torture is so severe, I have seen nothing so extreme in my life before. It is sickening to hear minor details. He did not act alone yet the main person behind it all was disposed of. Unfortunately it is routine for me to allow you to say one more thing." Uther had glared down at the man below.

"I hope you have fun with him, or what's left." Michael had sneered. Arthur saw red and was in a murderous rage, he tried to jump down off the balcony just to get to him. Quick reflexes on his father and Leon's part was the only thing that stopped him. Uther had nodded his head to the executioner to set the pyre alight. The executioner was all too willing to do so. Even he cared about Merlin. Everyone watched as he burnt and listened as his screams hit the air, rising with the smoke. In Gaius' chambers, the physician listened as he sat by the warlocks bed stroking Merlin's hair, silent tears running down his face as the screams of the man who helped torture his ward, the son he never had, to possibly beyond repair, died with the smoke of him still rising. He had given Merlin a strong sleeping potion so he could sleep through the execution and not hear a thing. It wouldn't be healthy for him. They had shown him his ashes to prove that their was no-one around to hurt him anymore and that he is safe. Merlin nodded tentatively.

The first week came to a close before anyone could realise that yes, it has been a week since they had arrived back in Camelot. It seemed to have gone so quick yet as long as a lifetime. Soon, they're going to be as long as an eternity.

**A/N: ...along with my posts! ;) Jk. I'm going to try and write at least half of 17 tonight. should do. Laptop's in the best place for charging right now. Keep it here then I'll be good! plus summer hols are soon (19th!) which I'm looking forward to cuz I've got extreme paranoia atm and depression. I'm terriefied of going into school and even to the centre I go to with CAMNET my home tutors. Anyway, what d'ya think? I tried to make it non-slash but only gave quick glance cuz I really need to get dressed. If you see any problems contact me and I'll sort them. But anyway. Yay or nay? Was it worth the wait (No!) OHohoh. On Sims 3 I created Merlin and Arthur and once they got money and moved house they adopted a duaghter first (Morgana) and the a son and guess who the son has grown up to look like? ASA BUTTERFIELD! :D He does and I didn't change his features. He grew up with them! :D Extreme sexiness alert! :D Anyway, thought I'd tell ya's. :P Merlin's a ghost though :'( Anyway, yeah. Review! Thanks to all those who are STILL with me. I promise to make quick updates. Should do because I've got to the bit I've been looking forward to writing for agggges. The chapters are going to be massive though so please bare with me. Lots of angst is going to ensue though. Gotta love the angst! ;P Lots of love. XOXO**


	17. Battle

**A/N Knock, knock. Anyone there? I know it's been forever since I updated but I honestly haven't had the time, health, motivation or laptop to do it. Did start it, then went to finish it but it was saved on my memory stick and I couldn't get the password to login to my memory stick so lost everything. Just wrote this now. Beginning is a bit crap but I like the ending. Have just finished writing this so may be silly mistakes but seems fine. Sorry it's took so long but will get back to it. :)  
>***WARNINGS*** Mentions of torture, loads of angst and breaking hearts.<strong>

Two months have passed since Camelot's court sorcerer returned. Two months and you can already see results in, not only it's sorcerer but also it's Prince. Since Merlin's return Arthur has been a lot happier. A lot more optimistic about the future. As well as his attitude, there are physical improvements. He's put on weight so he isn't just muscle but there is a certain glow about him. Yes, the future is definitely brighter.

Merlin is also showing signs of improvement. According to Gaius, Merlin's physical wounds have healed. Although he is left with some ugly scars as reminders, and always will, Gaius has a lotion that, applied twice a day, will calm the scars until they are nothing more then faint lines. Still, it's all good. The only thing that hasn't healed fully is Merlin's mental state. That isn't surprising however given the circumstances. To those closest to him, he's almost his old self. He talks a lot more openly with them and has even started laughing and joking but he won't go anywhere outside the castle and it's courtyard. he won't even go to the market. Even in the castle, he wants someone he's close to, to accompany him. Although most of the time he stays in Gaius' chambers where he still stays. However one other thing hasn't seemed to heal. Merlin and Arthur's relationship.

Apart from Merlin being reliant on Arthur from the beginning, nothing has changed. now that Merlin can sleep without him (sleeping draught is a need be though), they don't have anything to do with each other. If anything, their relationship has declined. It's non-existent. Arthur's tried giving Merlin space in the hope that Merlin will want him when he does. Now that two months have passed, almost three, the Prince is starting to worry. Has he done something wrong? If truth be told, Merlin seems to be treating Arthur like a complete stranger. He'll say hi and give one syllable word responses if Arthur communicates with him, two if he's lucky, but apart from that, there's nothing. Arthur tried to console himself that it's just the stress of what Merlin's been through and it's normal but then he'll see him interact with the others. See him smile and laugh now. The only smile Arthur gets now is a strained one, a forced one. It's as if Merlin doesn't want him. As much progress as the Prince has been making the past couple of months, he's starting to show slight signs of declining. Stubborn as he is, he won't let on to anyone how much this has been eating at him. However, it's starting to show. The bags under his eyes is a sure sign and the confusion and worry and sadness when he looks at Merlin then the jealousy when he looks at the others with Merlin are definite signs. Merlin especially can tell the stress and only he, apart from Arthur himself, knows the reason why. Only, Merlin knows more then Arthur does. Only Merlin knows why all this is happening. Walden.

Even now, two months on, Merlin is still fighting an internal war against his heart and his head. Merlin is still struggling to come to terms with what's happened. Nothing is as bad as the thought that Arthur is to blame for this. Ever since he was rescued, Merlin has fought with this over and over again as Walden's taunting circles his head over and over again. His heart screams in betrayal of Arthur while his head tried to reason that no, Arthur isn't responsible. It's just Walden's way of revenge. Still, the pain in his heart speaks more volume then that of his head. Seeing Arthur every day doesn't help. His heart breaks at the sight of the blond, knowing that Merlin keeping his distance is causing him pain but then the ghost of Merlin's heart breaking from months ago rears it's vengeful head. Arthur caused him more pain. It's a fight that Merlin can't call a victor although, if he's being honest, he knows who the winner is. It's this pain, this fight that really keeps Merlin awake at night. It's this fight that he cries himself to sleep over. And Merlin knows that this is the same reason Arthur can't sleep at night. He doesn't need to sleep in the same room as Arthur to know that. He can sense it. He can feel it. He can see it when he looks at the blond and into those deep blue eyes that are screaming confusion. Merlin knows he's being silly. He's scolded himself over it but he can't help it. He can't rid the feeling. He can't shake Walden off and he's scared. He's scared he'll never be able to. He's scared about how far it will go until Merlin calls a victor. Until he makes a decision. He needs to tell Arthur or at least make some excuse as to why he's been this distant. When that will happen, who knows. It's just not fair on the Prince to just leave him hanging in the webs of confusion. "But it's not fair on Arthur leaving you to endless torture." Walden whispers into the warlocks head.

"Go away." Merlin shouts.

"Merlin? Are you alright?" Gaius asks, popping his head round the door.

"I'm fine, I'm just…I'm fine." he replies.

"Alright then. If you need to talk, however, you know where I am." Gaius said, not entirely convinced.

"I'm fine!" Merlin snapped back. Seeing Gaius look slightly confronted, Merlin sighed heavily. "Honestly. I know you'll help but please, I just, I need some time alone." With that, the young warlock walked out of the room, alone. A first for Merlin. Gaius just stared in shock wondering whether this is a good thing or bad thing. "Well. We'll see how it goes." the old physician muttered to himself. He got back to preparing for his rounds, mind elsewhere.

Merlin, too lost within his mind, didn't realise what he was doing. He wasn't even bothered about the fact that, for the first time since his capture, he has gone somewhere on his own. Obviously, walking down the corridors there are people bustling about but he isn't being escorted. The fact doesn't even register with his brain. Too lost within his internal battle about Arthur, nothing registers, not even where he's going. He's brought back to reality when Arthur's exclamation of shock rang through the room. It seems his feet brought him to Arthur's chambers. Now his feet were rooted to the spot as panic took over.

Once Arthur calmed down from his shock and realised that Merlin was here, the Prince's tone softened. He took in Merlin's appearance but suddenly the warlock's expression seemed to turn to panic. "Merlin?" Arthur said softly. Merlin's mouth opened and closed like a fish. His eyes were darting about the place as if looking for an escape. Why? "Merlin. Are you alright?" Arthur asked. Suddenly the deep blue of the warlocks eyes locked on his own blue orbs. They looked fierce. "Why is everyone asking me that?" Merlin shouted. He's sick of it. Within twenty minutes he's been asked that twice. Arthur looked confused. "Well, after everything that's happened, we-" the blond tried explaining as kindly as he could on such a delicate topic. Merlin cut him off.

"You what? Think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. Think I can't handle the torture? Think I'm going to break. Maybe two months ago I might've but it's not the torture that gets me. It's not the torture that keeps me awake. You want to know the real reason? No, I'm not alright. I have a battle raging inside me! You wanna know what it's about? It's you! You're the reason I can't sleep. You're the thing I can't get over! I can't stand the sight of you! I know it's stupid but I just can't! Walden said that the reason you took so long to find me is because you didn't want to! I'm nothing! It's also because of you that he took me! Revenge because you went on and won the tournament! If I was nothing to you, if I didn't know you, none of it would have ever happened! You're the reason this happened to me! That's why I'm not fine! I can't decide whether I want to kill you or not. Make you go through what I did! Part of me knows it's stupid, yeah, but I can't help but have most of me believe it! So no, I'm not fine. That's the reason why! And you know something, I can't stand it!" After letting out all his pent-up frustration Merlin released a heavy sigh. "Just…leave me alone." the warlock said flatly, quietly before walking out the door. Arthur just stared like a wounded puppy at the door. His heart breaking in his eyes. What just happened? Then Merlin's words registered in his brain. Merlin blames him for what happened. That's not true. He can't be to blame. He's his brother! He would never allow that to happen! Getting his feet to work, he ran to the door. "MERLIN!" he shouted in the corridor. He ran down it shouting "Merlin!" over again. It was too late. The brunette was nowhere in sight. Dragging his feet back to his chamber he closed the door behind him. He sat on the edge of his bed allowing Merlin's words into his mind. Trying to make sense of what Merlin said. It makes sense now why he wouldn't interact with Arthur. If that's how he feels. It also explains about Merlin's mixed signals when he saved him. But how can Merlin believe all that? He loves Merlin in the way only brothers can! Does Merlin not believe that anymore? How can he believe Arthur would surrender him to that? Then again, he could've saved Merlin quicker then he did if it wasn't for a stupid mistake so, in a way, it's true. Arthur let out an anguished scream and threw the closest thing he could reach to the wall. The vase of flowers that took the throw smashes on the wall. It's contents spilling, the water making dark streaks down the stone wall and floor. It reflected Arthur's bleeding heart. Arthur threw himself face down on his bed and sobbed.

Merlin was running on adrenaline from his fight with Arthur. He wanted the blond to know but not like that. Still, it was over with. Not only did he admit his problem to Arthur, he finally decided on the victor of the battle. He can't stay here in Camelot. He can't. it's too hard for him. Packing his bags, he allowed his mind to think of anything other then Arthur or the torture. Instead he thought about going back home to Ealdor. He hasn't allowed Hunith to come visit him. He didn't want her to see him like he was. Still, it's the only place he has. It hasn't got painful memories like here in Camelot does. Once his bags were packed he thought of Gaius. Thank God he wasn't here when Merlin returned. He didn't want to face him. Instead, he grabbed some parchment and ink and wrote him a letter. He decided to explain briefly the reason why he was leaving. Surely he'll understand.

_Dear Gaius,_

_I have decided it's too hard for me to stay here. With everything that's gone on recently, it's became too hard. Seeing people, Arthur especially, is just too much of a reminder, at least, at the moment it is. I hope you understand. I will be safe. I promise. I'll have Kilgarrah and Aithusa with me. It will be scary for me at first, I know, but it's too hard right now living in the castle. I thank you for everything you have done for me. Not just in these last two months but since I met you. You gave me answers no-one had been able to give before. It made me feel normal, well, as normal as I could. You gave me some optimism about my life. Most of all, you gave me a father. Even though I have met my real father, you take the place in my heart. Please take care of yourself and explain to the others why I left. Also, please take care of Arthur. We haven't left on a happy note and I don't believe we can. _

_I love you my father._

_Merlin._

Blotches from falling tears stained the paper but it was still legible. Wiping his face, he folded the note up and put it somewhere in plain site. Grabbing his bag, he took one last look around a place he once felt safe and happy before he closed the door. Once outside and away from the castle and market, thankfully not seeing anyone who will stop him, he called Kilgarrah to him. Seeing the warlock start to cry, the dragon didn't question him but instead let him climb on his back and fly him as close to Ealdor as he could. Even the Great Dragon knew what has happened recently. When Hunith, who was outside picking flowers at the back of her house, saw her son walking towards her, she stopped what she was doing and allowed him to run into her arms. She cradled him to her chest as he let the sorrow of the past year take over and stain her shoulder. She cradled him like she did when he was tiny. When he'd calmed enough, she led him into her home and settled him down. She didn't ask questions, she knew what had happened. She never knew he was this broken however. Still, she knew better then to ask. She knew that what he needs is just a mother to hold him as he cried.

**A/N Sorry about the angst. I'm an angst writer ;) I'm hoping to have this finished for the end of Merlin *noooooo!* :'( But yeah. We'll see. It will be finished though! Just bare with me. Also, have edited this on the parts were it seemed too slashy but reading it, knowing it is originally slash, parts still seem too much slash but can be read as the love they have as brothers. Let me know. It is late and I'm tired. But yeah, I need to get back into writing it. Although started writing Star Wars drabbles so will start posting them soon. They're slightly angsty as well. ;P Thank you to everyone who's stayed with me though. :)  
>xxMerthurxx 3<strong>


	18. Emptiness

**A/N Hello. Sorry it's took me so long to post this to this version. Completely forgot. Updating all my stories though. :) It's very long though (3,315 words). Very proud of it though. Although, you should be warned, very angsty. Saying that, I've found that I'm an angst writer. :P Anyway, enjoy!**

Gaius trudged into his chambers with a heavy sigh. He put his medicine bag down with all intentions of collapsing on his bed for a rest but first he thought he'd check on Merlin as he must be back by now. After all Gaius himself had been gone for almost two hours. The old man knocked on the door leading into the little room that Merlin occupies. There was no sound on the other side of the room. Not even a rustle of blankets. Gaius tried again. Still nothing. He opened the door just a crack and put his head round. "Huh." Gaius said. There was nothing in the room. He opened the door and walked in.

The little bed was made with the blankets on. That wasn't worrying though. Merlin, having been a servant for so long, got into the habit of making his own bed. He said it was comfier if it's been made all day. The worrying thing was that the room itself was tidy. Merlin wasn't that messy anymore but his clothes or shoes often covered the floor. Not much but the odd shirt was always there to trip you up. Gaius allowed it, in fact encouraged it the past couple of months. He thought having Merlin's own stuff covering the floor would help him feel safer, make him feel at home. So to come into the little room and see not one thing on the floor was worrying. He walked further into the room. There wasn't anything on the bedside table. There was often a book, whether fictional or non-fictional, on the side. Instead there just stood a candle that was almost finished with. Now Gaius was starting to worry. He walked over to the small cupboards that lined the wall opposite the bed. Maybe Merlin has tidied up out of boredom or the adrenaline he seemed to be running on earlier with his outburst. Gaius opened the cupboard door, inch by inch, afraid of what may be there or in fact, lack of. There was only the back of the cupboard inside. All of Merlin's clothes had gone. Now he was worrying. Where was he? The old man turned his head to face the bed. He walked over to it and knelt down. If there was nothing here then…? Gaius was worried. He pulled up the edge of the blanket and put it on the bed so it wouldn't get in his way. He grabbed the loose floorboard and, using all the strength he could muster, wrenched it up. Nothing. Merlin's magic book, the one Gaius had gave him, was gone. If his magic book had gone then where was Merlin? If the book's gone then so is Merlin.

Gaius almost ran the length of the room and down the stairs with all intention of seeing the royals. They must know something. However, something caught his eye that stopped him in his tracks. It was a piece of folded paper that was out of place among the mismatched vials and potions and ingredients on the tabletop. The physician walked over to the table. He put on his glasses and realised the paper had writing on. His name written on. Written by a warlocks scruffy writing. Gaius picked it up apprehensively and, inhaling deeply, afraid of what it may say inside, he opened it. There was ink stains from where ink had ran and blotches mixing the letters together but he could still read it.

_Dear Gaius,_ it began.

_I have decided it__'__s too hard for me to stay here. With everything that__'__s gone on recently, it__'__s became too hard. _What? Merlin didn't let that on. He seemed to be happier, stronger. Gaius carried on reading. _Seeing people, Arthur especially, is just too much of a reminder, at least, at the moment it is. I hope you understand. _No. Gaius doesn't understand. Only yesterday was Merlin laughing with Morgana and Gwaine. Was this all just an act? He knows Merlin and Arthur weren't getting on but…Gaius shook his head and carried on. _I will be safe. I promise. I__'__ll have Kilgarrah and Aithusa with me. It will be scary for me at first, I know, but it__'__s too hard right now living in the castle. _Gaius doesn't know whether to be proud he has improved in the sense that he's got the strength to leave or be worried. At least Kilgarrah's with him. Gaius knows that he'll watch out for the young warlock. _I thank you for everything you have done for me. Not just in these last two months but since I met you. You gave me answers no-one had been able to give before. It made me feel normal, well, as normal as I could. You gave me some optimism about my life. Most of all, you gave me a father. Even though I have met my real father, you take the place in my heart. Please take care of yourself and explain to the others why I left. Also, please take care of Arthur. We haven__'__t left on a happy note and I don__'__t believe we can. _

_I love you my father._

_Merlin._

By the time Gaius finished reading, more tears had started falling onto the piece of paper mingling with the ink and Merlin's tears. It at least explains where Merlin is and why Merlin's left. However it doesn't explain why today of all days, he has decided to leave. Gaius re-read the letter and then again. He felt like he was missing something to explain Merlin's sudden desire to leave today and in such a hurry as well. It could just be he is finding it hard and the socializing he has been doing is just an act but…hang on. _"We haven't left on a happy note…" _Arthur! Arthur's the reason. Suddenly Gaius was livid. The old man stormed out of the room with the letter held tightly in his fist. He has a meeting with the Prince.

Arthur had stopped sobbing an hour ago. He's just let the emptiness take over. The sense of hopelessness. He was just lying on his bed cuddled into his pillow, Merlin's words racing through his mind. _"It's your fault." _The worst part is, Arthur does blame himself. The words are true. Merlin's better off without him. The Prince feels just as numb as he did two months ago. Merlin's gone and he isn't coming back. And Arthur's the one who caused this. Who caused it last time. He only has himself to blame. The Prince yelled into his pillow, silent tears streaming down his face. It turns out he isn't done crying. Suddenly the door slammed open. Arthur thought about getting up, wiping his face, acting normal but what's the point? They'll find out sooner or later that Merlin's left then it won't take them long to find out the reason. Maybe that's who the person is who came? They've figured it out. Arthur didn't even bother turning round. He just stayed on his bed, face in the pillow. "Arthur?"

Gaius stormed down the corridors to the royal chambers of the Prince. Anyone who got in his way moved out of it seeing the stony expression on the face of the physician. No-one has ever seen him like this and if they have, it was a rare moment. When he reached the doors to the Prince, he didn't even stop to knock. He just walked straight in, words already springing to his tongue but they died just as quickly when he took in the appearance of the room. The vase smashed on the floor, the stains from the spilt water on the wall, the puddle of water on the floor and the flowers that are already dying. Gaius looked towards the bed. The crimson sheets are messed up. He looked at the figure on the bed. It's hunched over, legs drawn in and arms looking as if it's cradling himself. It's hard to tell from the back but that's what it looks like. The foetal position. That's what they call it. Some say it's the more comfortable position to sleep in. Others though, others use it when they're hurt. As if they think they can protect themselves from whatever's hurt them. "Arthur?" Gaius says softly, completely different to how he was going to be two minutes ago. The figure of the Prince didn't move. Gaius remembers this. He remembers this from when Merlin was taken captive. This isn't good. At all. "Arthur?" Gaius says again, inching towards the bed, afraid to startle the figure as one would be scared to startle a newborn pup.

"Arthur?" Oh no. It's Gaius. He's found out and now he's came to shout at him. The Prince didn't move in the hope that maybe Gaius will think he's asleep and leave him alone. Leave him to drown in the guilt and emptiness that is his heart. "Arthur?" Gaius says again. Why can't he just leave? Arthur thinks. Why can't he just leave me alone? Why's he being kind to me? I don't deserve it. Merlin's proof!

Arthur wasn't moving one inch. Some people would believe he's sleeping. Not Gaius though. The Prince is being too still to be asleep. Add to what Gaius knows already, the Prince isn't fooling him. He reached the bed and gently sat down, making the bed dip slightly. If the Prince really was sleeping then he'd stir at that at least. Nope. No movement. "Arthur?" Gaius says again, this time placing a gentle hand on the clothed shoulder of the Prince. Arthur seized up, even more then he was. A definite indication that he's awake. "Arthur. I know Merlin's left. I need to talk to you. Know what's happened." Gaius wasn't going to waste anytime. He never does. However, it worked. Arthur slowly turned his face and Gaius' eyes widened. The handsome face of Arthur's was a mess. The skin was blotchy and his eyes were bloodshot like a frogs are. Tear tracks covered his cheeks while his nose was red and running. His hair was all messed up, sticking up in no particular way. Something's definitely happened. Arthur sat up and wiped his face on his sleeve, not caring about the state of his appearance. "What happened Arthur?" Arthur coughed before explaining his meeting with Merlin. He explained how Merlin came in, how he seemed to not know where he'd arrived until Arthur said his name, how Merlin seemed scared when he realised he was alone with Arthur. Arthur explained how Merlin seemed to be like a deer surrounded by hunters, trying to find a way to escape. How Merlin wouldn't look at him. How, when Arthur asked whether he was alright, he snapped. It was during this part of the tale the tears came racing out of his eyes. Arthur explained what Merlin said. How Merlin told him that he believes his torture is Arthur's fault and how, at the end, Merlin told Arthur to leave him alone before walking out. The tears were really coming now but not just the Princes. The physician was crying at what Merlin said and the devastation his words have left behind. "Oh Arthur." Gaius said, bringing the young man into a hug. He tried comforting the Prince by rubbing his back but it wasn't the most affective since Gaius was wetting Arthur's shoulder with his own tears. "But, the worst t-thing is-" Arthur hiccoughed. "- it's all true. All of it." Arthur pulled back and looked Gaius in the eyes. "I found him once but no, I thought he wasn't there. I left him for more torture until we did find him! I left him Gaius. It's all my fault." And that's when Arthur really broke down sobbing.

"No Arthur. Look at me. Look at me Arthur. Now." Arthur looked up but it didn't stop the tears. "It's not your fault. You weren't to know. Merlin knows that."

"Doesn't stop the truth though, does it!" Arthur screamed.

"No, but we can't change it. Look, Merlin's safe. He has Kilgarrah and Aithusa with him at the moment. They'll keep him safe. Let him calm down and he'll be home soon. Ok. I'm here for you. But don't blame yourself Arthur. It won't help anyone. It isn't the truth either." Gaius tried telling the Prince and bring him in for another hug but Arthur wouldn't have any of it. He just shrugged Gaius off. Gaius sighed. He thought this was all over. He got up and walked to the door. He took one last look at Arthur who had laid back down in the foetal position and then took another look at the flowers. If they aren't careful Arthur would be dead before them. His soul already is. Gaius walked out the door and closed it gently, a massive contrast to when he came in. Arthur, hearing the door closed, screamed into his pillow once again.

"Come in." came the muffled voice of the King. Gaius walked in and saw the King bent over his table that was littered with paperwork only Kings seem to think important. Uther looked up and smiled at his loyal friend. "Ah Gaius." he said leaning back and putting his work down. "What can I do for you?" It was just as he was asking that he saw how weary and tired the physician looked. His smiling face turned to a concerned one as fast as lightning flashes through the sky. "Are you alright? What's happened? Sit." Uther ushers. Gaius sat next the King and, instead of speaking, he handed him the note that has got as scrunched up as a piece of rubbish. Uther read it, eyes reading each word. His face frowning in confusion the further down he got. When he was finished he looked at Gaius. "What? I thought he was improving."

"He was. But his relationship with Arthur was declining." Gaius said exhausted. Uther just looked confused and looked back down at the note. _"We haven't left on a good note…" _jumped out to meet Uther just as it did Gaius. Uther seemed to reach the same conclusion as Gaius did and just as quickly. "Has something happened between them?" Uther was worried now, not just for Merlin but for Arthur. If something's happened between them, something bad then Uther's scared to think about the effect it will have on his son. He's only just got Arthur back. He doesn't want to lose him again. A sense of foreboding climbed up the King's spine. "Walden said stuff to Merlin. Stuff about Arthur being the reason why Merlin was kidnapped. Why Walden was torturing him. Walden said that if Arthur had lost the tournament, he wouldn't have a reason to kidnap Merlin. He also said that Arthur purposefully left Merlin to suffer. That he'll find someone else to call brother." Gaius repeated what Arthur had told him. Uther looked shocked and outraged.

"What? Surely Merlin doesn't believe that?" How could Merlin believe that? Uther wondered.

"He doesn't. Not completely anyway. But you have to understand the state of mind Merlin's in. He underwent extreme torture for months. He will believe it to some extent. That's why he's left. He can't look at Arthur without a battle raging in him." Gaius explained more to the King who just looked rejected.

"How do you know this?" Uther asked.

"I went to see Arthur. All intentions set to demand what had happened. I was livid but as soon as I walked into his room, those intentions left. He's not right Uther. He's destroyed. I managed to get him to explain what had happened. Merlin had stormed out of my chambers earlier and he'd ended up in Arthur's room without knowing it. Arthur had asked what's wrong and Merlin had lost it. He told Arthur how he felt but then he asked Arthur to leave him alone and I guess that's when he decided to leave." Uther sighed once Gaius was done explaining. This is the last thing they need.

"When did it come to this? How could we not see this coming?"

Gaius shrugged. "We did but didn't take notice to the signs."

Uther knew Gaius was right. Everyone knew Merlin and Arthur weren't right but no-one could think of the reason why or that it would get this far. Uther got up, sighing dejectedly. "I best go see Arthur. You'll be alright?" Gaius nodded at the Kings concern. It's Arthur who needs him. Uther stared at him for a minute before deciding that Gaius will be fine, at least, for now. He walked out of his chambers and to his sons, scared of what he'll find.

Arthur was brought out of the emptiness that is his thoughts at the sound of knocking on his door. It sounded faint. He must've imagined it. There it is again. No, it's definitely his door. It must sound faint because Arthur's senses aren't with him. Who cares? The person can go away. Arthur heard the door open. The hinges need a bit of oiling. Who is it this time? Whatever. They can go away. Arthur heard footsteps coming towards his bed. They sound like familiar footsteps but Arthur can't place it. This is the true meaning of brain dead he guessed. The bed dipped slightly as someone sat on it. He felt the person brush his hair off his face. Why are they doing that? Who is it? "Arthur. Sit up please and look at me." Uther's voice ran in his head. His father has came. Of course. Gaius would've gone and told him what's happened and now his father's came to show concern. Great. Arthur did nothing. "Arthur. Please?" Uther requested again. Arthur turned his head to look at his father but he didn't sit up. He was too tired to do that. His emotional state has drained him of any physical strength or energy. Uther widened his eyes at seeing his son. He thought Merlin looked terrible when he arrived home and he did, but this is just as bad. Arthur doesn't have the scars or is severely underweight but his eyes and pasty, blotchy skin makes him look just as bad. He looked older and ill. Severely ill. "Oh God. Come here." Uther pulled him into an embrace and they just laid there. They didn't say anything. Arthur just let himself be held. Let himself be hugged by his father. They don't know how long they laid there but before they knew it Uther had to go. "It will be fine Arthur. I promise you. It's not your fault so I don't want you believing that. Arthur? Do you understand me? He'll come back. I'll see you tomorrow but I'm here if you need me. Send a servant to me whenever you want. Day or night. Arthur do you understand me? Arthur?" Uther said, concerned about his sons state. It took him longer then a few hours, a few days, to make him like this when Merlin was taken. They only just saved him in time. This time Arthur knows Merlin isn't in danger. This time Merlin hasn't been taken. This time he's left willingly. Because of Arthur. This time Arthur doesn't have a reason to fight. And Uther's scared of that. "Arthur?" Uther asked again. Arthur nodded once. Just a slight movement of his head. Uther took the only response he'd get and walked to the door. He looked back before leaving. Uther told the guards to be on the alert. He didn't go into details just that Arthur isn't well. When he got their promise they'd be extra vigilant Uther left to retire to bed. However he doubted he'd be sleeping tonight. He'd be too worried about a certain warlock and Prince.

**A/N What d'ya think? Yay? Nay? Crying? Please just drop a review. The next chapter should be up quickly as just wrote it but hoping to write at least one more chapter before posting it. It's half term so I'm focused on this. Also, just joined LiveJournal and have no-one on it so please add me or help me out cuz I don't know what I'm doing. All my stories will be going on there as well. :) It's InALandOfMyth, the same as my twitter name (follow me!) :P Thanks and thanks for your patience with me. That's if you're still reading. :)**


	19. Feel

**A/N Hey guys. New chapter! Woo! This has been done for almost a week believe it or not AND the next two chapters are almost done which means we're almost finished with the story. Finally! :P Not as long as the last one but there should be regular upates from here. Enjoy! :D**

*****WARNING*******Description of self-harm.  
>Disclaimer: Don't own.<strong>

Merlin stretched as he woke. The cold, hard dirt floor was starting to re-familiarise itself with Merlin and Merlin's muscles. After all he'd been sleeping on it for the past week. The past week. It's been tough. Merlin put his hands behind his head and stared up at the low roof of his home in Ealdor. His eyes vacant in their hollow sockets as his mind wanders back to when he arrived in Ealdor.

The first day was a blur. Only little bits had registered with his brain. Even less was remembered by his brain. Nothing was of importance. He just slept and when he wasn't sleeping he'd just sit wallowing at a chair at the table in Hunith's small kitchen. His mother left him alone that day.

The second day was much the same except Hunith tried to feed him some food and get him to open up. Merlin ate a tiny bit of bread. That was it. He didn't speak. The third? The third was slightly better. He got washed and dressed and spoke a few words to his mother. Just the usual 'Morning' and 'Night'. Nothing important. Still, it was a start.

The fourth was slightly better then the third. He got up to help milk the cow. He needed a distraction. His mind had been focused on Arthur and Camelot and the whole ordeal for too long. It wasn't vacant anymore like it had been for the first couple of days. Still, he didn't explain anything to Hunith. At least he was helping out and speaking a little even if what he did speak were one or two-syllable words.

The fifth day took a step backwards. Merlin had woke crying with a pain where his heart is. Merlin thinks it's just from sleeping on his left side on a hard floor and the pain radiating from his shoulder had spread to his chest. Merlin definitely doesn't think it's home-sickness at all. Except, he knows it is. Merlin stayed in his bed that day, crying.

The sixth day, yesterday, he had answered Hunith's questions as to why he's back. His answer; it's none of her business. He'd walked out of the house leaving her stunned at his stinging remark, more because of his cold tone than the words. Merlin walked to the forest that's up the hill leading into Ealdor. He'd needed fresh air. He'd felt claustrophobic in the small hut that's his house. House. Not home. He had returned later that afternoon to see Hunith making tea. He'd apologised for his rude behaviour. Hunith said it was fine and that he's still upset and confused. As if that can excuse his behaviour. Except Merlin knows that it isn't fine. It's in her eyes when she looks at her son. The sadness and the helplessness that she's feeling. Merlin would've given her a hug at that moment to make her feel better. He hates seeing his mother hurt. He didn't. He can't bring himself to feel human contact. Instead he'd forced a tiny, barely there, half-smile. It didn't work.

Today. Merlin thinks today's going to be much the same as the other days. Why wouldn't it be? However, there's this nagging doubt, this feeling deep within Merlin that makes him wonder whether it will be. He sighs and gets up. He can hear Hunith pottering about with pans in the kitchen. He decides he'll go sit in there.

In Camelot, there's much the same atmosphere within the castle and it's spreading like wild fire around the kingdom. There's a sadness especially for those close to the future King. Within said person's chambers, is where the source of the sadness comes from. It's dark. The heavy crimson curtains are drawn shut. They haven't been open in a week. There's objects all over the floor ranging from cushions to jugs. They've been thrown in anger brought on by heartbreak. The broken vase of flowers are still where they had been thrown. They haven't been picked up. Said flowers are now dead. They represent the soul of the rooms occupant; withered and black. The Prince lies staring up at the ceiling of his luxurious bed. He lies on top of the many blankets that cover his bed. His face is pale, his eye's dead to the world. There are purple bruises under them showing that he hasn't slept in a while. A week. The eyes are also bloodshot showing that he's recently been crying. He's been crying on and off all week. He's shocked he isn't all cried out. He's like an undead, dead person. His heart is beating. His organs are functioning like they should. It's his soul that isn't there anymore. It left when Merlin left. The first few days after Merlin's departure Arthur felt destroyed. He felt guilt. He felt anger. However the past couple of days he's felt nothing. It's not right. Everyone close to the Prince has seen this before. They saw it when Merlin was taken. However, this is on a larger scale. This time Merlin has left of his own accord. This time Arthur has been reduced to nothing with nothing to keep him going. When Merlin was taken Arthur had the will to find Merlin to keep him going. Now? Now he doesn't believe he has anything. And now he feels nothing. Everyone's starting to worry. The Prince's mental and emotional state is starting to worry people and his gloom is starting to spread outwards through the kingdom. No-one has any idea what to do.

Arthur knows he shouldn't feel nothing. He believes he should still feel something. Anything. Mainly sadness and loneliness. And he does. That's why he's like this yet, he doesn't. He feels empty and alone. So he does feel something yet they aren't real feelings. Arthur stirs. The first time in what feels like so long. He looks to his left to where the majority of objects are littered across the stone floors. His eyes ignore them and instead zero in on the shards of glass from the broken vase. He stares and stares. Before he even realises he's moved a muscle, he's by the glass on the floor. He picks up what looks like the sharpest bit with his right hand. He rolls up his sleeve and brings his hand down to his arm. He doesn't feel anything for a second before he feels the sting across the path that he's made. He sees red rise to the top of the path. However it's not enough for the red to spill over and make a mess. It's not enough. He makes another and then another. Arthur does it until a deep red starts trickling down his arm. He then does it again to add more deep red rivers to his arm. He drops the glass that now has red rubies on it joining together at the tip. He slouches down onto the floor holding his left arm with his right hand, the one that has caused the glass to make the paths on his arm. He revels in the sting that is only getting more prominent. Arthur allows his mind to focus on that. It's the first time in the past week where he hasn't focused on Merlin. He needs this. This…escape. It's an escape from reality, this pain. He sits there until the pain starts to subside. Until he starts coming back to reality. It's only then that he fully understands what he's done. He needs to hide his arm from anyone. First, however, he needs to wrap his arm and treat it. He's had enough injuries to know what to do. He's also had that many that he has stuff in his chambers without going to Gaius. He sets about treating his arm.

Back in Ealdor Merlin is feeling scared and worried. About an hour ago he felt this overwhelming feeling deep within that spread across his body. It lasted for about a second. It reminded him of the feeling he had got when he was trapped feeling helpless in the cellar of the abandoned house. He had shook the feeling off though. He had thought he'd imagined it. Merlin had got on with what he was doing which was nothing. Suddenly he had felt this itch on his left arm. He'd tried scratching it but it just got worse. It had felt like it was spreading across his arm. He'd rolled his sleeve up and stared at his arm. His eyes had widened in shock at what happened. There seemed to have been raised welts appearing on his arm as if caused by something blunt dragging across his arm. He'd pulled his sleeve down forcefully and quickly. He'd seen his mother stare at him confused. She'd been observing his strange behaviour. He'd forced a smile before excusing himself to go for a walk. He escaped into the forest and by then he felt wetness spreading across his arm and sticking to his sleeve.

When he'd reached somewhere that will allow privacy, he rolled his sleeve up again and stared in shock and horror at what was happening to his arm. This is where he is now. Blood is seeping through cuts in his arm. It's as if someone has sliced his arm open. Merlin feels physically sick and memories of Walden cutting him comes flooding back into his mind. Merlin doubles over and threw up what little was in his body. He was shaking and sweating. What was happening to him? His arm was stinging and it only got worse the more it went on. The cuts stopped appearing 10 minutes after they first started appearing but blood was still spreading across his arm. The blood eventually started drying and it felt as though they were being treated. Merlin was, by this point slouched against a huge oak tree. He couldn't comprehend what had just happened nor can he imagine what could have caused it. It was like an invisible hand had just cut his arm. Whatever it was seemed to know not to cut too deep however as no serious damage seems to have been inflicted except to Merlin's mental state. He just sat there trying to think of a logical explanation to what had happened. He couldn't think of any. After half an hour Merlin got up onto shaky feet and went to find the river that ran through the forest. He wasn't about to go home with blood on his hands and arm. It will put his mother even more on edge.

**A/N What did you think? The plot is thickening! Hopefully the self-harm (and slash!) wasn't too much for you guys. I wrote it from experience and tried not to make it too whatever the word is. I have my little brother babbling on and distracting me. Please tell me what you think. Thanks. Not long to go now!**


	20. Concern

**A/N Yeaah, I'm not even gonna bother explaining. Just shout at my school. This was suppose to ahve been posted ages ago but of course it wasn't so here you go. The whole story is almost complete (I'm on the last chapter thank God!) So sorry it's took so long. This is always on my mind and I do feel guilty that it's took so long to post and write. Enjoy.**

PLEASE READ!** Put that in capitals and plain so it will stand out as I know some people don't read the A/N (especially since I do ramble!) but I need to know. To me this chapter hasn't needed any editing from slash to non-slash however for the last few chapters I've been thinking that the non-slash is turning slashy. I don't know whether that's because I write the slash version or not. This story is basically centered around Merlin and Arthur's strong relationship whether lovers or really close friends like they're suppose to be in this version so of course there is strong feelings. Basically what I'm trying to say is a) be warned in case it seems slashy and I apologise and b) can you let me know? Thanks. The last chapter will be completely different to the slash final chapter when I come round to posting it because of these reasons but can you let me know on this one?**

*****WARNING!*** Description of self-harm and depression.**

They were all worried. Uther especially. But what can they do? Morgana's lost deep in thought as she heads away from the Great Hall. She's trying so hard to find a solution to their problems. However the only solution is for Merlin to return to Arthur and for them to be fine. That's a completely different problem in itself. "Why are relationships so hard?" she mumbles. The seer decides that she'll go see Arthur. Just to see how he is and whether anything he says (if anything!) could help her out.

When she reaches the doors to the Prince's chambers she hesitates with her delicate fist raised ready to knock. Maybe this isn't such a good idea? She shakes her head to brush off the thought. She's Arthur's big sister and Merlin's friend. She knocks once then twice and then a third time. She waits to see whether she'll be allowed in however she doubts that there'll be a reply of any kind. Morgana was right. She gently pushes the door open. It was unlocked. Arthur doesn't care though. He doesn't care about anything.

It's dark in the once handsome and grand room. It still will have that same grandeur with a tidy up but no-one even dares to venture in the room. Only Uther, Gaius, Gwen, Morgana and the Knights dare to enter. That's only because they care about Arthur. Arthur who is currently not on his bed. Morgana frowns. Arthur's off his bed? He's been on his bed for the past two weeks ever since Merlin left. Maybe he's improving. That thought is quickly burnt to ash as soon as Morgana's eyes catch sight of the Prince on the floor holding a piece of glass to his left arm. She quickly steps into the room and slams the door shut. The sudden sound startles Arthur out of his concentration. He looks up to see Morgana standing there staring in disbelief at what he's currently doing. Arthur looks like a trapped deer right now. "What the hell are you doing?" Morgana screams. She tries to get the piece of glass out of Arthur's hand but Arthur scrambles up and away from her. "No!" he shouts. "GET OUT!" The Prince's voice is hoarse from days of misuse but his commands are very clear. "No! Give me the glass Arthur. Now!" Morgana lowers her voice so as to not worry Arthur more but in her panic it's hard to control. Even more so when she see's his left arm bleeding and cut. "Why?" Arthur asks. "Why should I?" Morgana stops her advances stunned by his question. She laughs hysterical. "Why? Why? You're cutting your arm! That's why?"

"Keep your voice down! There are guards out there!" Arthur hisses.

"Oh yes there is isn't there? That's good then." Morgana answers back. She goes to take a deep breath to shout out before Arthur clamps his hand around her mouth. "Don't. Please." he begs her.

"Then give me the glass." Arthur, seeing no other way reluctantly hands the glass over and releases Morgana. "Thank you." Morgana says. Arthur does nothing but goes to lie back down on his bed. He holds his arm to examine what he'd managed to do. It's not enough but it will do for now. Morgana watches him through narrowed eyes. She discards of the glass before going over and sitting next to Arthur. "Why?" Morgana repeats his question but this time the question's directed to Arthur. Arthur doesn't reply for a while. Morgana thinks he won't answer when he sighs and turns around to face her. "Because I was feeling nothing. No anger, no sadness. Nothing but emptiness. I thought it was wrong. I should feel something. That's why. I needed to feel but then it made me forget. Just for a little while I could focus on something else. That's why." Arthur sounds so small and desperate for her to understand.

"Oh Arthur." Morgana sighs bringing Arthur in for a cuddle. Arthur allows it but is tense until she lets go. "This isn't right and you know it. You should have came to one of us. You think feeling nothing isn't right? What about this Arthur? There are other solutions to problems. This is just extreme." Morgana tries to explain but it made Arthur snap.

"Yes there are other ways isn't there? Angry that you find out that the person you thought was your father isn't and someone else is. What do you do? Oh yes. Go to try and kill him, his son and anyone who stands in your way. Yes that is a very good solution. What should I do then Morgana? Hmm. Go kill Merlin since he left me. I don't think so!" Arthur's comments felt like an arrow to Morgana's heart and when Arthur turned his back to her it felt like he twisted it to make it go deeper. Morgana just wanted to run out of the room and go curl up on her own bed but she couldn't. She was Arthur's sister no matter what. She fought back the tears that were threatening to spill and coughed to clear her voice. "I know," she began but her voice broke. She inhaled deeply to get it under control. "I know what I did Arthur and I regret it everyday. I hate what I did. No-one can hate me more then I do when I think about that. But Arthur, I'm your sister. I care about you and I won't see you destroy yourself. Please. Let me take you to Gaius so he can treat your arm. Arthur? Otherwise I'll go get Uther and we know what he'll do. You won't be allowed out of anyone's sight." Arthur slowly turns his head to face Morgana and the seer felt another arrow hit her in the heart at his face. It looks so young and broken. He nodded to her request to get Gaius. "Alright. I'll be straight back. Please don't do…anything?" Arthur smiled at her.

"I won't. And Morgana?" she looked back from where she now stood next to the door.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry. About what I said. I'm just…"

"Don't be. It's the truth and I know I hurt you." Morgana said. She smiled at her little brother and he returned the smile. She left him on the bed to go get the physician.

When Morgan returned with Gaius in tow, Arthur was sitting at his table just staring into a goblet. Well, the talk with Morgana seemed to have done him some good. "Arthur?" Morgana asked and at the same time announcing her presence. The Prince looked up to see his sister and Gaius standing in the doorway. He nodded at them allowing them entry but then went back to staring into the depths of his goblet. "Let's have a look at your arm then." Gaius said going over to the prince and putting his things on the table. Arthur looked confused but realised that Morgana must've already explained the situation to him. What Morgana explained had shocked the old man and hurt him but he's seen cases like Arthur's before so he knows how to act professional. However nothing prepares him for the amount of damage that is inflicted on the Prince's arm. There's a sharp intake of breath from Gaius and Arthur tries to pull away feeling guilty. Gaius squeezes his arm in reassurance and smiles at him. "I need to disinfect it and clean it." Gaius said. On the word clean Morgana went and got a bucket of clean water. "Thank you." Gaius said to the seer. Gaius then went to work and it was silent except for the dripping of water droplets wrung for a cloth and sharp hisses from Arthur when Gaius tried cleaning some sensitive cuts. Soon, it was done. "There you go." Gaius said, cutting the final bandage. Arthur held his arm up to examine it. It was wrapped in a thick layer of white. He couldn't help but feel slightly annoyed. Now what's he to do? Gaius, as if reading his thoughts, handed out a small vial of potion. "Take this when you feel exceptionally low. It will make you feel better. I have more in my room so if you need more, alert me. Arthur, don't do anything stupid. Even if you don't mean to severely harm yourself, it can easily happen. It will also become addictive and you'll want more. Now I recommend telling your father but if you don't wish to right now, then I won't force you. But please Arthur, this isn't a way to solve it. It's temporary and it will make it worse." Gaius told him near enough what Morgana had explained to him earlier. Arthur knows they're right but he can't help but feel like he wants to cut his arm even more. Gaius must've sensed his mood because he went over and hugged him tight. "We're here Arthur and we love you." he whispered. Arthur returned the hug equally hard but also trying to hold back a flood of tears. Gaius' words registered with his mind but he only had one reply. "Merlin isn't." That's when he broke down. Gaius held him even more while also redirecting him to a chair to sit down. Morgana watched the scene play out in front of her and silent tears were streaming down her face, especially at Arthur's broken words. "Arthur, look at me and listen." Gaius said. "Merlin loves you. He always has and he always will. It's just the aftermath of the ordeal. He's gone to Ealdor to get his mind sorted. To get away for a while so he isn't around anything that may remind him of what happened. Being in a castle, a busy castle, in a busy kingdom wasn't helping. Also being around all of us, especially those who found him, wasn't helping. It just reminded him day in and day out. Do you understand Arthur? Can you see it from Merlin's point of view?" Arthur could but it didn't help.

"He blames me."

"No Arthur. He doesn't. Not really. It's all because of Walden. He blames Walden and he thinks that this was Walden's plan. To split you up. He doesn't blame you Arthur. He loves you and he knows you saved him. He needs to get his head sorted and he needed to go to Ealdor to do that. He'll be back but he doesn't blame you. But do you know something? If you carry on like this he'll blame himself and that won't do him any good will it?" Gaius let the words sink into Arthur and he knew the moment the did as Arthur's shoulders slumped and he fell forward in his chair sobbing silently. "We're here to help you Arthur so please let us." Arthur nods frantically. "Now, I have rounds to do but I'll be back later to check you over and redress your arm. Also, if you wish, I'll write to Hunith to see how Merlin is doing. Will that make you feel better?" Arthur nodded. It would. Gaius gave him one last hug before getting up. "Watch him." he whispered to Morgana who was still stood by the door. She nods without taking her eyes off her broken brother. Gaius took one last look back before departing.

In Ealdor, Hunith is really worried about Merlin. Ever since that day he'd gone off after the weird behaviour in her kitchen, he's been even more withdrawn. He'd came back with what seemed like dark patches on his arm. He just said it was mud as he'd slipped on the ground but Hunith doesn't believe him. Ever since then he's never lifted his sleeve in front of her. It's happened again and again over the course of the past week. He won't allow her to do his laundry. His excuse is that he can do it and he needs the distraction but every now and then she'll catch a glimpse of blood on the sleeve or blood on his arm. She thinks that he's cutting himself and she doesn't know what to do. Should she confront him or allow him to come to her? She knows he went through a terrible ordeal. Knows he was tortured but she doesn't know the full story. He never mentions Camelot anymore or Arthur. Not even Gaius. Gaius? That's what she'll do. She'll write to Gaius in the hopes he can guide her into what she should do concerning Merlin.

That night, when Merlin was in bed, Hunith sat at her small kitchen table and grabbed a piece of parchment. She started writing.

_My dearest Gaius,_

_How are you? I hope you're well. I'm writing to you concerning Merlin. He isn't right. He refuses to talk about anything. It's hard to even get him to talk about the weather. I know pushing him into talking won't help and I'm not. However I'm concerned about his mental state. I believe he's cutting himself on his left arm. I believe it's been happening for a week. He ran off a week ago yesterday into the woods after a strange moment in the kitchen. He'd lifted his sleeve up and looked alarmed. Since then he's became even more withdrawn and I have seen dried blood on his arm and clothes. He won't allow me to do his washing. What I'm writing for is some guidance to help me deal with him. I don't know whether to confront him or not._

_Please reply quickly Gaius._

_Yours,_

_Hunith._

Hunith re-read her letter before folding it up and giving it to a messenger with the orders to deliver it quickly. She watched the messenger go before going inside and to try to get some sleep.

That very same night in Camelot, a messenger was sent by the Court physician with a letter to Ealdor asking how Merlin was as Arthur isn't right and he needs to know.

Little did Hunith and Gaius know that letters of similar content were going to arrive to both of them the very next day.

**A/N Once again I am so sorry it's took so long and thank you for being patient. :) Please let me know what you thought :) Love you all!  
>xxMerthurxx xXx<strong>


	21. Ealdor

**A/N Not too keen on the beginning of this chapter but love the ending. Here you go, have some (slight) happiness ;)  
>***WARNING*** Slight description of self-harm.<strong>

Gaius was sat, scratching his head, lost in thought as he re-read the letter once more. It had arrived that morning while he was preparing potions and since then, an hour later, he's read it about 20 times. It's a letter from Hunith expressing her concern for Merlin as he's slitting his wrists. She must've sent it that night when Gaius sent his. However, the troubling part isn't that Merlin's slitting his wrists (even though it bothers him.) it's the fact that it's his left arm and started a week ago. Yes Merlin's right handed and it starting a week ago isn't confusing itself it's the fact that Arthur started cutting himself on his left arm a week ago. Hunith states that he looked alarm when it seemed to start out of nowhere. It's all confusing to Gaius. He feels he's missing something. It could be coincidence but Gaius has a nagging doubt that it isn't. He's that lost in thought that he doesn't hear Morgana approach him. Not until she shouts his name, startling him. "I did knock." Morgana said, slightly amused.

"I'm sorry my child. I wasn't with it." Gaius said patting her hand that's resting on the table in front of him.

"It's fine. What's wrong?" Morgana asked noticing the paper.

"This." Gaius says, waving the letter. "It's a letter from Hunith. She's worried about Merlin. She believes he's cutting himself." Morgana gasped and groaned.

"Not him as well. I swear I'm going to go kill someone soon. What's Hunith doing about it? This can't be easy on her bless her."

"See that's the thing Morgana! 'Him as well'." Gaius said, quoting her words. Morgana's eyebrows were brought together in confusion.

"I don't see it." she admitted, confused.

"Merlin is supposedly cutting himself as well when we know Arthur's cutting himself. Coincidence, maybe? However, Hunith says that it's his left arm and started a little over a week ago. The same arm and same time as Arthur started." Gaius allowed the words to register with Morgana and when they did, Morgana could see what Gaius is trying to get at. "You think they're somehow linked?"

"Yes. I just don't see how." Gaius rests his chin on his linked hands lost in thought and re-reading the letter. Morgana sat down on the stool next to him. Something is clawing to get out of her head - then she remembers. The raping of Merlin. Arthur somehow got raped when he was travelling on a horse. Then again with the whipping. Arthur somehow got whipped and Merlin had got whipped. Surely they're all linked? "Gaius," Morgana said. The old man turned round to face her. "Merlin got raped yet somehow Arthur did and then Merlin also got whipped and somehow Arthur did. What if it's like that? Arthur's cutting himself so somehow Merlin's getting cut as well. They've always been linked by destiny but what if it runs deeper then that? What if they're physically bonded?" Gaius allows the possibility to run through his mind. It does make sense, especially with their destiny and their power but how come it's never happened before? "It's possible but it doesn't explain why it's happening all of a sudden."

"Maybe it's because Arthur was trying to find Merlin so much and Merlin's soul was calling to him that their souls have somehow bonded so they could feel each others presence." Morgana tried to explain. It seems likely.

"That makes sense and I do believe I've heard of stories like that from when the High Priestess' reigned." Gaius informed Morgana.

"So. What are we going to do?" Morgana asked.

"We go to Ealdor. I'll send a letter and we leave tomorrow. With Arthur." Gaius announces.

"You sure that's a good idea?"

"It's the only choice we have." Gaius said giving Morgana that intense stare that Merlin was so often the recipient of. Morgana knew then that it was the only choice. She went to see Arthur.

"I'm still not sure this is a good idea. He hates me. I won't be able to stand him shouting at me again." Arthur announced his doubts for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past two days. However, they fall on deaf ears and considering they're very close to Ealdor now, are just a mask for his nerves. They set off for Ealdor yesterday morning and it's now noon on their second day. It's just the three of them travelling; Arthur, Morgana and Gaius. There was no need to bring any guards or knights along despite certain knights pleading to come along. It would be hard enough for Merlin with just those three and Arthur and the warlock could do without such a huge crowd. No, it could only be those three travelling.

Hunith left her small hut mid-morning telling Merlin that she was just going to gather some herbs as they're running out. Merlin just grunted a response playing with a lose thread on his jacket. Casting a worried look at her son's back, she had left. She did need to gather herbs but she was expecting visitors at around noon that day, not that Merlin was aware. She was shocked to have received such a quick response but what was more shocking was the content within. Hunith's motherly instincts kicked in reading Gaius' explanation of Morgana's theory on Arthur and Merlin's connection. All she wanted to do was hold Arthur tight. She's always had a soft spot for the Prince as she feels for any person who's grown up without a mother's affection however, she couldn't help but be slightly relieved that her own son isn't the one cutting his wrist. Hunith mused over this while picking herbs awaiting her visitors.

Deep in thought, Hunith didn't realise how high the sun had now travelled until she was brought out of her musings by the distinctive cracking of twigs being stepped on and the rustle of leaves underfoot. Standing up she looked to where the sound was coming from in the forest and making their way through low-hanging branches and upturned tree roots came three horses with three riders - one grey stallion carrying an old man, a black stallion carrying a young woman and a brown stallion with a white mark down it's nose carrying a young man. The riders pulled their horses to a stop in front of her and the two young riders dismounted easy enough and then went to help the old man down. The old man was the first to address her coming close and pulling her into a hug. "My dear Hunith. It's so good to see you after so many years." He pulled back and held her at arms length, never letting go. Hunith smiled and replied back. "And I you my dear Gaius." She then turned her attention to Arthur and Morgana. Gaius stood back to allow them access. Morgana was the first to step forward and embrace her. "It's nice to meet you again Hunith." Morgana said before stepping to her left so Arthur can come forward. Arthur gave a tentative smile to Hunith. He didn't know what she knows or what she doesn't. It broke Hunith's heart to see what a state the young Prince was in. "Come here Arthur." Hunith told him, stepping forward and spreading her arms inviting him in for a hug. Arthur broke and held her tight trying hard to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. They stood like that for a few minutes before they pulled back. "We'll get it sorted, yes?" Hunith said softly. Arthur just nodded, screwing his face up as tears fell down his cheeks. "There, there." Hunith said, wiping some stray tears from his cheeks. Arthur managed a watery smile still doubting that this will work. Gaius chose that moment to speak. "Does he know we're here?"

"No. I thought it best not to tell him. He's back at the hut. Come on." Hunith replied picking up her basket and leading the way home. Gaius, Arthur and Morgana all followed leading their horses by the reins.

Merlin was bored. He wished that he'd gone to collect herbs with his mother. It would give him something to do. He had no new spells to learn or anything else to occupy him. He looked out the window seeing how high the sun was. Noon. Too late to go picking herbs now. Maybe a swim. It was then that it registered with him that his mother should've been back about an hour ago. It doesn't take more than a couple of hours to collect herbs. Maybe he should go find her, see whether she's alright. Before worry could really creep into his mind, he heard footsteps approach outside. That will be his mother now. He thought. Hang on a minute. There's more than one set of footsteps by the sounds of it. It sounds more like three or four at most. And is that, horses? Yes that definitely is. Merlin has managed to go from bored to worried to confused within the space of a few minutes. A growing sense of anxiousness has started to creep up Merlin's spine. What the hell is going on? The warlock heard the front door of the hut open and heard his mother - as that most definitely is his mother's footsteps, soft and gentle, - put down the basket that she uses to collect herbs. "Merlin?" she called out softly. Merlin, confused now, waited a minute before getting up and walking into the small living area. He immediately stopped dead in the doorway wishing that he hadn't got up.

Merlin was right in thinking there was more than one person arriving. In front of him stood his mother looking guilty yet determined at her son and stood behind her was Gaius looking older then what he had done when Merlin had left Camelot. The old man smiled when he saw Merlin yet the concern in his eyes lessened the glee the smile brought. Stood next to Gaius was Morgana who wore a similar expression as Gaius. However it wasn't these three that Merlin was interested in. Stood in the front door , looking awkward and uncomfortable and in a worse state then Merlin was Arthur. He looked pale and weak as if the wind could break him in two with a gentle blow. His hair had grown and looks just as ill as the person it grew on. Arthur's stance made it look as though he would rather be anywhere but where he was and the Prince refused to lift his eyes from the ground. This isn't Arthur. With his attention stuck on Arthur, Merlin hadn't realised his mother had moved forward until her hand touched his shoulder. Merlin jumped as if he'd been branded with a hot iron. It was then that the truth of who was there crashed down on him. He tried to make a bee line for the back door yet Morgana was quicker blocking his way before he could move two steps in the right direction. "Hello Merlin." she said, happiness in her voice but so was concern and determination. It filled Merlin with dread. He slowly turned back round and his breath caught in his throat as Arthur had lifted his eyes to look at him.

Arthur's eyes bolted up at the sound of Morgana speaking. His gaze zeroed in on the even thinner and paler Merlin. He looked as bad as he did when they rescued him from captivity. His clothes were about four sizes too big for him and he looked a mess. Arthur watched as Merlin slowly turned around and their eyes, blue clashing with blue, met. Arthur didn't dare breath for fear of the moment being over too quick. Emotions were racing through the orbs of blue that were more than likely mirroring his own; happiness, concern, guilt and sadness. The moment was over too soon as Merlin lowered his eyes and looked towards his mother. "What's going on?" the warlock's voice broke betraying his nerves.

"Take a seat." Hunith said, gesturing to them all. Merlin slowly and cautiously took the seat closest to him while Gaius took the one next to him. Morgana stayed by the door still not trusting Merlin to make an escape but her stance relaxed slightly. They all looked at Arthur who, taking a deep breath readying himself for what was to come, slowly edged away from the door and took the seat opposite Merlin. Their eyes wouldn't meet again.

"It's good to see you again my boy." Gaius said sincerely smiling at the young warlock. Merlin's mind was too busy throwing many reasons concerning why they're here to return one. "Why are you here?" he asked, voice stronger then earlier. Gaius looked to Hunith who had gone into the kitchen putting the herbs away yet still in eyesight of the small group of people seated. She nodded once and Gaius turned back to Merlin. "Your mother wrote me a letter expressing concern over your mental state." Merlin shot a quick glance to his mother who ignored him. "What do you mean my mental state?" Merlin demanded, tensing up.

"She was worried that you were very depressed to the point that you were cutting yourself." Merlin curled his left hand into a fist. It didn't go unnoticed by Gaius. "Are you?" the old man asked delicately. Merlin shook his head vehemently. "So you wouldn't mind me having a look?" Merlin's face flashed worry and hesitation. Before he had time to reply Gaius continued his interrogation. Arthur was watching this all through his eyelashes. "Is there something you're not telling us?" Gaius asked, eyes never leaving Merlin. Hunith had finished putting her herbs away and had joined Morgana next to the door. Merlin could feel four pairs of eyes fixed on him and knew it was pointless to hide anymore. You could see Merlin reach this decision as all fight left him until he just looked tired. "I'm not cutting myself, honest." Merlin started, tone desperately wanting people to believe him. He looked around seeing that yes, they do believe him. He continued. "I'm not cutting myself but…I - I have cuts. I don't know how they just…appeared." Merlin finished flatly. There was silence for a couple of minutes while people registered what was said. "May I have a look?" Gaius asked, breaking the silence. Arthur's head snapped up at the question, eyes focused on Merlin. Merlin sensed this and raised his eyes to look at Arthur. He was shocked at the intense gaze that was focused on him. He nodded dumbly at Gaius's question and rolled his left sleeve up, eyes never leaving Arthur. He saw Arthur's eyes focus on his now bare arm as soon as it was revealed and noticed the worry and guilt cross the Prince's face just before Arthur leapt to his feet and left the hut before anyone else can react. This brought Merlin back to reality and he quickly rolled his sleeve down. "What's going on?" he demanded again at Gaius who was sitting there with a thoughtful expression on his face. Gaius looked at Merlin and sighed. "You and Arthur are linked." he announced. Seeing Merlin's confused expression he explained more. "When you were taken captive Arthur was desperately looking for you and you were desperate to see him. Somehow we believe that because of that desperation, your souls became linked and now anything that physically happens to one of you with great emotion or great pain behind it while you're separated, it will happen to the other. When you were taken captive you were raped. Arthur was raped at the same time by some unknown force. You were also whipped; so was Arthur. Do I need to explain further?" Gaius finished as he saw the pieces fit together in Merlin's head.

"Arthur's cut himself so it's happening to me." Merlin stated it as a fact rather then voicing it as a question. He didn't need an answer. Within a minute he was on his feet and out of the hut looking for Arthur.

It didn't take Merlin long to find the Prince. He was sat curled up next to a tree root watching the stream that ran through the forest ripple gently in the soft breeze. There were tears streaking from his bloodshot eyes and he was scratching his arm as if subconsciously, the one with the cuts on. Merlin took this in and also the Prince's posture. He could tell that Arthur was frustrated and angry. Not with anything or anyone else but he was angry with himself. Merlin could still read him like a book even after all this time. Merlin gently started walking closer to the Prince not wanting to startle him. Arthur didn't even notice his approach. The warlock sat down next to him and just looked at the once strong man. "Arthur?" Merlin said tentatively. Arthur startled slightly and looked to Merlin. He quickly looked away in guilt. Merlin hated it. "Hey. Look at me. Please?" Merlin asked. Slowly Arthur did as he was asked. The way Arthur looked, so broken and vulnerable, made Merlin wonder whether this was what he looked like when they found him after his capture. He had a sickening thought that yes it was. The Prince and the Warlock just looked at each other for a long moment, neither knowing what to see but then words weren't needed. Arthur broke down sobbing and Merlin just held him trying to comfort him yet failing as he too broke down. Arthur was just murmuring a chain of apologies between his sobs while Merlin copied him. Months of frustration, months of hardship and months of separation, on both parts, were released in that moment. A moment that stretched on and blocked everything else out. It was just them two; Merlin and Arthur. The Once and Future King and the Great Warlock. Who knows how long they stayed like that rocking each other and just holding onto the other. It felt like an age to them when it was only a few hours as the sun slowly set and the sobs died down.

**A/N Yay! It's getting resolved and everything's explained! :D You know what else is good? Next chapter = FINAL chapter, finally! Bye.**


	22. A Spring Day

**A/N Ok, so this has been ages in the making. Did write it but then lost it and then the sheet and my laptop does not even flash a light anymore. I also didn't want to post this without the other version not being complete. So here you go.**

6 MONTHS LATER

It's a typical spring morning in Camelot. Typical but relaxing. There's a breeze flowing through the air, ruffling the leaves that are starting to grow on the trees. Flowers were starting to blossom wherever you looked while citizens of Camelot chatted to one another. Most were talking animatedly over the news that's just been revealed from the castle.

At the back of the grand, white stone castle, beyond it's breathtaking gardens, in the shadow of oak trees, a young man is sitting in front of a gravestone that's withered from severe weather and time. Despite how withered it was starting to go, the name of the person who owned the grave is still visible on its face; Ygraine Pendragon. The man is talking to it and had been for a while. "...and I just can't believe we've got this far. I wish you were here though." Arthur finished speaking and just sat in silence staring at his mothers grave. Many times over the years he just sat and stared at the grave just wondering what life would've been like with a mother or, in times of great hardship, wondering whether a mothers hug really worked. This past year has seen more visits like that than any other year.

A rustling of small creatures running into the trees and bushes alerted Arthur to someones oncoming presence. Before he could stand and weild his sword, his father appeared next to him. Arthur looked up into his father's face. "Thought I'd find you here. May I?" Uther gestured to the spot next to Athur. The Prince nodded. "How did you know I'd be here?" Arthur asked once Uther had sat.  
>"You're not the only one who comes here to escape. After the news from last night, well, where else would you find peace and quiet?"Arthur chuckled at his fathers reasoning since he got it spot on. Uther joined in.<br>"Yeah, you're right." Arthur admitted.  
>"Since when am I never?" Uther asked, eyebrow raised in challange. "Wait, don't answer that." They laughed again. It felt so good laughing again. The past year had deprieved them of any good feelings. The two Pendragons quietened and just sat staring at Ygraines grave. After a few minutes Uther spoke up. "I'm proud of you, you know." Arthur looked up confused. "This past year, if it were me who'd stood in your place, well I, I would never have got through it. I wouldn't be where you are now. Your mother, she'd also be proud. She probably is, wherever that place may be." Arthur looked into his fathers eyes and saw such sincerity in his eyes that no response could be formed. He just swallowed and nodded against the lump that was forming in his throat. "I mean it Arthur. This past year, it's been hell. You've managed to push through, at times there did look like no hope but you did it. There's light shining on your future now." Arthur cleared his throat a couple of times so he could speak."Who are you and what have you done with my father?" Uther chuckled.<br>"I know, I'm being soft. It's stopping now." Arthur laughed.

The sound of someone approaching made King and Prince turn around and stop laughing. A brunette with large ears came into view. He stopped a few feet away from the two of them. "Erm, I can see you later if I'm interrupting?" Merlin went to turn away but Uther rose. "No, it's fine. I've got paper work to do anyway. I'll see you both at dinner." He left touching the gravestone and both, Merlin and Arthur's shoulders as he passed them.

Merlin looked at Arthur. "Anything important or...?" Merlin asked as he sat in the spot that's recently been vacated. Arthur shook his head.  
>"No, not really." The Prince smiled softly at Merlin. Merlin just smiled back and started picking at the grass. They just sat for a while, enjoying the chirping of the birds returning from the south not that winters over. "So." Merlin said.<br>"Sooo, what?" Arthhur asked when Merlin said nothing else.  
>"So. We need to organise a dress fitting for you." Merlin looked up with mock seriousness on his face. Arthur gawped. "I am not the bride! Gwen is!" Arthur exclaimed. "Yes but you'd make a perfect bride. Well a perfect bride from hell." Merlin reasoned getting to his feet at the same time.<br>"I will not!" Arthur shouted to Merlin's retreating figure. He scrambled to his feet and chased after Merlin. Their laughter being carried on the breeze.

**A/N I want to thank each and every one of you who's stuck by this through months of abandonment. I am really, really, really sorry it took so long. From now on, stories are going to have every chapter written before being posted. :) I have got a few half complete but I need something to type now. Thank you again and I hope you enjoyed it. Please leave a review so I can see what you liked or didn't (apart from being quick cause I know that already!)**  
><strong>xmerthurx xoxox<strong>


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